Take it from Snee: As Seen in the Paleolithic

Foolish as it may seem, I don’t believe everything I see in commercials. For instance, when InventHelp says that the guy who invented the Splash Wash, a car wash for kids, by watching children play, I find it hard to believe he wasn’t masturbating at the time. Or that the woman’s whose hair is blown permanently back by the Trojan Vibrating Twister isn’t held there with semen.

But, there’s one idea that completely stretches my brain’s capacity for hogwash (which is another use for the Splash Wash, by the way), and it’s that modern man has just now solved the problems inherent in wearing a blanket.

The Snuggie and the Forever Lazy aren’t bad ideas, though. To the contrary, I long for the day when I can wear the poncho I was given to keep warm in a Tijuana jail cell to work. No, what’s nearly impossible to fathom is that these products are awarded patents for what humanity already accomplished in the Paleolithic Era.

Granted, it’s not uncommon for society to forget previous innovations, like trepanning, a medical practice dating back to the beginning of human history that pops up every time a doctor wants a license for drilling holes in people’s heads.

The Snuggie and the Forever Lazy follow the same path, starting way back in the Ice Age … Continue reading Take it from Snee: As Seen in the Paleolithic

Pakistani Taliban week late with Obama, Nobel jokes

Snug as an oppressed bug in a rug.Man, talk about issuing a fatwa on a dead horse.

The Pakistani Taliban criticized the Norwegian Nobel Committee for giving the Nobel Peace Prize to U.S. President Barack Obama. They unconstructively suggested giving him the “Villain of Peace Award,” which does not exist and–even if it did–could not field nominations until next year.

The Taliban’s peace credentials include supporting and sponsoring terrorism, wrapping women in Snuggies in the desert and religious intolerance.

Other critics of the award have not renounced and denied affiliation with the Taliban at this time.