Ask Dr. Snee: Spring is all up in us

Hello, Internet patients.

It’s been a while since I’ve answered your letters, but that’s because I’ve been furiously working out for bikini season. As we say in the medical community, you get more fly with honey smeared on washboard abs than on body hair and love handles.

But, even though it’s also vasectomy season, I’m taking a timeout from my brackets to answer your letters … Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: Spring is all up in us

Freedom chickens come home to roost

It took over eight years, but France has finally gotten back at certain Americans’ slights in the build-up to the Iraq War. The French Superior Audiovisual Council (CSA) has banned the terms “Facebook” and “Twitter” from their radio and television broadcasts, except when listed as a source of specific information when their journalists investigate stories as lazily as ours do.

One of CSA’s board members, Christine Kelly, explained their decision:

“Why give preference to Facebook, which is worth billions of dollars, when there are many other social networks that are struggling for recognition? This would be a distortion of competition. If we allow Facebook and Twitter to be cited on air, it’s opening a Pandora’s Box – other social networks will complain to us saying, ‘why not us?'”

Unfortunately, her quote has inadvertently raised the stock of Pandora Radio, where you can listen to free Internet radio, find new music and participate in the Music Genome Project. Ms. Kelly never intended for you to know that it’s a new kind of radio–stations that only play music you like. And she certainly never meant to send you to Pandora.com today!

Keep your friends list close, your blocked list even closer

Have you ever wondered what a “social media guru” or “expert” does? As far as we can tell, they follow random people on Twitter and post links to buzzspeak essays by other (presumably) unemployed “SEO managers.”

Or … they could be The Fuzz!

Police, FBI, Secret Service and even the IRS are infiltrating the MySpace, Facebook and–in extreme cases–the Friendster to find the goods on you. To bypass your security settings, they’re setting up undercover identities, asking to become part of your online menagerie of familiar screen names.

Once they’re in, you’ll probably forget all about them, like that guy you met that one time at that place with the shots served in test tubes. (Quickest abortion turnaround time, yet!) And then they watch for any pictures of illegal activity or status changes that conflict with your alibis.

So, next time you get a friend request, ask them, “Are you a cop?” If they say no, then they’re probably lying because they’re undercover, so you should destroy your computer.

The McBournie Minute: Bryan McBournie likes this

In the past, I have bashed social media. For all my readers over 35, just go ahead and read “social media” as “that Facebook thing.” I’ve said that social media sucks, well I was wrong. Social media is awesome, well, really only Facebook. All those other things suck, and Twitter is basically on the edge of sucking, too.

I see so many of my friends spend most of their day on Facebook. What they do, I’m not entirely sure, but they sure enjoy doing it. Why is it that I can’t enjoy Facebook the way other people do? I took a while to think about this, and after careful consideration, I know now the reason.

Facebook sucks for me because of you. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Bryan McBournie likes this

XxAmercnAirlynzXx has added you!

Brendan Fraser IS the American Way.There are certain companies that we expect to not be “with it.” In fact, if those companies tried to rebrand themselves as “hip” or “edgy,” we would be more concerned than relieved.

One of those are airlines, but they don’t know that yet. A couple are now using social media to “reach fans” and address complaints.

JetBlue uses Twitter to respond to people complaining to porn spambots about their delayed flights. Amazingly for an airline that’s only one step above riding with free-range chickens, JetBlue only has one communications employee running their “Here’s a coupon, dawg” service.

American Airlines has a fan page on Facebook. Yes, you can now add the Big AA to your friendlist, presumably so they’ll tell all their other fans to read your blog. Be sure to compliment them on their big exposé on suede leather jackets in American Way, their award-winning in-flight magazine.

Just a reminder to airlines, energy drink chemists and politicians: it’s not social networking if you’re advertising on it. Then it’s just another way to receive spam AND diminish your reputation.

The McBournie Minute: Social media makes my life worth it

Oh my god, I just checked my Facebook page and you’ll never believe who’s “It’s Complicated” now! Also, I totally just added the magical egg app to my profile, so now you can give me eggs and we can see what they hatch into!

For those of you who have no idea what just happened, you can probably turn off your computer now, but I’m guessing the vast majority of people reading this (seven) know exactly what that means, but cannot for the life of them translate it into English. This is what happens when a fad comes around. Social media is not a fad. It is a genre of fad that is new this decade and will probably not go away until we can find something to replace it. It has to be something even newer. (Sorry, Tamagochi.)

Social media really sucks, folks. I know, SG has a MySpace page, a Facebook page, heck, we even have a Twitter profile, and I am no exception, (you like how I worked those in?) but really, what does any of this do? I will admit, I enjoy stalking high school girls as much as the next average Internet user, but haven’t we become a little self-involved? Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Social media makes my life worth it