Cops refuse to let man go after playing “get out of jail free” card

Like a board game, our society has rules. We call them laws. And law enforcement officers are charged with making sure everyone follows the rules. But what if the rules are being thrown out?

In Minnesota, a man was arrested on a felony warrant over the weekend. The man produced a “get out of jail free” card from the Monopoly board game, and in a flagrant violation of the rules, the police ignored it. They claimed that the card has no legal standing. Oh yeah? Then why do you get out of jail when you play it in a civilized setting? Folks, we are a nation of rules, and if those we assign the task of enforcing those rules fail us, we must take the rules into our own hands.

The Parker Brothers are spinning in their graves.

The McBournie Minute: For the sake of society, don’t poop there

When you think about it, its pretty amazing that people formed societies and norms that we all live by. For thousands of years, we all just agreed to a set of rules, and just sort of built on it from there. I may not be an expert on the formation of ancient cultures, but I’m pretty sure that the first thing you have to do to establish a society is agree where to and where not to relieve yourself.

Historians have said that the Nile River and its fertile flood plains were a chief factor in the rise of ancient Egypt. But really, it was probably more that they established rules against pooping in the river if you were upstream of the larger cities. Before plumbing came along, it was completely normal in Western society to relieve yourself in a bucket, then dump it into the street directly outside your window (or pay someone to do that for you).

Today we’re more civilized, but it looks like that could be coming to an end. The fundamentals of our society are coming apart. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: For the sake of society, don’t poop there

Change someone’s life today

I sure could use a drink right now. Why’s that, you ask? I can tell you one thing, it’s not my fault, it’s yours.

According to a new study, people are heavily influenced by their friends’ amount of drinking. In a recent study, people were about 50% more likely to be “heavy” drinkers if their friends were, 36% more likely if their friends knew someone who was heavy drinker. The same effect was found when people, for some reason, chose to drink less or quit drinking altogether.

It should be noted that “heavy” drinkers in this study were men who drank more than two drinks a day, and women more than one. How lame is that?

The question remains now: are you the inspiration for others to drink, or just following the crowd?

Revolver Door: Repeat-offender firearms

It appears the Pentagon shooting could have been prevented.

According to law enforcement officials, the officers were shot by guns with a previous criminal history. Unfortunately, thanks to Tennessee and other states’ lax gun laws, the handguns were back out on the street, waiting to be bought legally by some guy, who would carry them so they could commit another crime.

The answer is simple, people. Once a gun has committed a violent crime, they have chosen to become enemies of the society we’ve worked to hard to make (by shooting the Native Americans that were in our way).

We’re not saying that all guns are bad–just the ones that go bad. So please, when you are about to bring a new gun into your home, make sure to give it a thorough background check before exposing it to your family.

Your parents don’t love you


This week’s issue of the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science, scientists will reveal a study with which they determine your jeans do influence your popularity.

There’s no word, yet, as to which brands improve social standing, but this blog wears only Old Navy brand blue jeans. (Get Up & Go … to your local Old Navy store for great deals on fashionable clothes for the whole family!) We’re pretty sure scientists will corroborate our own research that skinny jeans are merely a passing fad, while boot cut relaxed fits will get you laid every time.

So, if you’re positive your parents refuse to buy you designer jeans because they’re jealous of your hair and secretly hate you: you’re absolutely right … and probably adopted.

When society crumbles, blame Facebook

This is an emergency SeriouslyGuys Bulletin.  Please drop whatever you are doing (picking your belly-button lint) and pay close attention.  Your life may depend on this news.

SeriouslyGuys has just discovered from CNN that college students are revealing their relationship statuses on Facebook, an open online forum that anyone can access.  Users can list themselves as “single,” “in a relationship with,” “engaged to,” “married to” or even “it’s complicated with.” 

The last option, “it’s complicated,” is the most alarming because it encourages uncommitted relationships with multiple people.  We all know that polygamy, homosexuality and beastiality are destroying society, and it’s not fair that college students are allowed to do that.

It’s a mystery how this Facebook feature, which has been part of the social network since it launched, has escaped CNN’s notice for so long.  What’s next?  Creating cults about pasta that users can join?  Fortunately, it’s never too late to talk to your kids about the perils of moral ambivilance on the Internet.