We take our water for granted. At best, we assume it will the bland, colorless, tasteless liquid that is somehow acceptable to both drink and bathe in. But what if we could make it more awesome?
In Livingston County, Michigan, local waterways are now heavily caffeinated after a massive spill of Mountain Dew syrup at a bottling plant. A tank holding the syrup, which is added to fizzy water to make soda, burst, allowing 7,200 gallons of it to make it down the drain and into a retention pond. Because the syrup mixed with water, it is now technically Mountain Dew.
Look out, Flint. Your water supply is about to become EXTREME.
Soda sales have been falling for years, as Americans slowly realize that sugar water really isn’t that good for us, after all. Fortunately, the recent craze in hard sodas is there to pick up the slack. And now, even the kids are getting in on it.
It shouldn’t be a surprise that alcoholic drinks that taste like root beer, ginger ale, orange soda and others are catching on with young people. Every generation gets the Boone’s Farm it deserves. But at an Applebee’s in Tennessee, three kids under the age of 12 were served hard root beer. The kids ordered root beer, and their father soon noticed they were served Not Your Father’s Root Beer (the title was literal in this case), and complained.
The kids implored their father to be cool about it, and said they just like to party every now and then.
Late last week, a blog post about drinking soda went viral. I don’t know how Facebook curates its tending news stories list, but for some reason, the site thought I’d be interested in reading about it. Normally, I avoid blog posts about nutrition, weight loss and stuff like that, because they’re all written by kooks with clear agendas. There’s no reason to believe unsupported health claims made by someone writing for something like Vegan Heroes Against GMO than if they were writing about how Obama is the devil for Libertarian Tea Party Bald Eagles United.
But typically stories like that are posted by the friends you avoid having conversations with for good reason. This one was in that Facebook news feed thing, which doesn’t mean it’s more credible, but it at least means a lot of people are reading it, so I decided to check it out.
Hoo boy, was it informative. Let’s break this one down. Continue reading
On Friday morning, Tony Kornheiser sarcastically alluded that the French dream was to go into prostitution and save up the money for a beauty parlor. If this humorous joke is true, then the French johns are going about it all the wrong way. Currency? Legal tender? That’s for chumps. They need to follow John Johnson Jr.’s example and instead pay for lovin’ with candy.
Johnson, a jail nurse, is being accused of assaulting seven female inmates. How did he keep them quiet? He used the same items that women have fallen for ever since the beginning of time-candy and soda.
We can only assume that the incredibly low standards of the inmates eventually rose up when he mistakenly approached a livabetic diabetic prisoner about a deal.