Kidz Korner: Klassroom Edition

Hey, kidz! It’s been awhile since the court allowed us to run one of our Kidz Korner features, which is so very, very whack. But, we’re back, so it’s time for us to talk–no grown-ups allowed.

If you’re a student in Arizona, then you might have noticed your mommies and daddies frothing at the mouth a bit, especially if they’re European-Americans. It may seem a little crazy or wrong, especially when they’re trying to get rid of your Mexican-American teachers and students.

Just make sure you know that it’s not racist. Continue reading Kidz Korner: Klassroom Edition

Another America?

OK, so we’ve been quiet about President Obama’s plan to bring the 2016 (that’s pronounced “twenty-sixteen”) Olympics to Chicago, Illinois. We didn’t want to jinx it, and to be honest, Chicago’s not very good at shaking off curses.

But despite our tight-lipped efforts, Rio de Janeiro stole them from us!

We don’t blame the International Olympics Committee because we believe they were deliberately confused by that Portuguese-speaking, Amazon-bearing, cancer-curing anaconda pit that Brazilians call a country.

Knowing that the IOC wanted to give the Olympics to an American city, Rio presented themselves this way:

  • They’re also in “America.” Yes, just like how Richmond is the incest capital of West Virginia, right?
  • They hold an annual Carnival that celebrates nudity, transsexuals and bead-based economies. Yeah, we named that Mardi Gras when we invented it!
  • They even claim to be world champion football players. Really? Which Manning’s on your team?

You know what? We don’t even care about the Olympics anymore. You can have them, Rio.

(Hey, IOC! Did you hear Brazil’s trying to build nuclear weapons?)

Warriors of the Week: Cane toads

It’s always fun to watch the opposing side succumb to infighting. When it comes to the War on Animals, there is still plenty of this, not only because of a food chain and all that nonsense, but because they can’t help but kill each other sometimes.

In Australia, cane toads are all over the place, or so Discovery (Channel) would have us believe. This is a bad thing for humans in most cases (like say, if you live in Australia and want to eat things produced on a farm), but aside from making a delightful squishing sound when you run over them, cane toads are helping us in another way: they are killing off crocs.

The poisonous toads, which are native to South America, are being eaten by Australia crocodiles, and the poisons then in turn kill the killers. Really, this solves two problems for us. We have fewer cane toads and fewer crocodiles. This is a win-win situation.