Problem stuffed back into its shell

Last year, Giant African snails invaded the area where we all wish we could take our talents, Miami.

Within four months, our brave soldiers were able to create a stop-gap that captured over 37,000 of the invaders.

Perhaps you don’t think this was that big of a problem. Allow me to illustrate the severity of this issue with one more factoid: Now, half a year later, our battle has yielded more than 40,000 of their shell-bound warriors. That’s approximately four times the (marketed) size of the student body when I attended college (my freshman year). To put it into perspective, that’s potentially the amount of people that were taken over by the body snatchers in the Donald Sutherland version!

Except, Giant African snails are molluscs, not plant-pod-aliens. And they don’t swap places with people (that we know of). Despite that, it would totally have been the same thing, believe you me.

SyFy channel problem salted over

It was horrible. It was disgusting. It was demeaning to the hotness of the city. It was the great Giant African land snail invasion of Miami 2011. Molluscs nearly a foot in size had invaded, taking their oozing and slimy talents to South Beach. It would not stand.

And it didn’t.

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m proud to bring you news that the Battle of Little Big Shell may now be over. Recently, over 37 thousand spineless monsters have been captured and more are being discovered by the day. The brave warriors in Florida’s agriculture department have uncovered these abominations, helping to prevent valuable crops from being destroyed, house damage and the spread of rat lungworm.

God speed, you courageous men and women. Don’t let the invertebrates win.

Good idea, bad idea-business edition

Good idea-operating a mobile brothel out of a rented limousine bus is a pretty brilliant idea. Your cash flow is always coming in and you’re almost always readily available to your clients and their needs. On the go marketing means that you’re seen in multiple areas, thus having heavy advertising for a fairly low cost

Bad idea-Parking the bus a block from the Miami Beach Police Department? Not quite as brilliant.