Team Norway orders 15,000 eggs by accident

Ever wanted to become an Olympic athlete? Turns out you need to eat eggs — a whole lot of eggs. That’s probably what Team Norway is doing after they mistakenly ordered 10 times more eggs than they could possibly need.

The chefs for Norway’s Olympic team tried to order 1,500 eggs from a supermarket in South Korea, using Google Translate as an intermediary. So the team was surprised when 15,000 eggs showed up for delivery. No one’s sure where there extra zero got added in the process.

But if you’re at the Pyeongchang Games want some killer omelettes, go find the Norwegians. They probably have a few eggs to spare.

Very bad badminton, indeed

The world of badminton is caught up in an Olympic scandal: players intentionally tanking games for easier playoff matches. Eight women in all have been disqualified from the 2012 London Games after very obviously underplaying, including teams from China, South Korea and Indonesia.

The scandal reached a head when both teams in a match were actively trying to lose, with the South Koreans and Chinese each hoping to outlast the other with net serve after net serve and wide returning shots. The longest volley of the entire match — which can last up to three games — was four volleys. China eventually lost the first two matches, so that means they won?

The takeaway from this story, we guess, is that even lady athletes can act like a bag of shuttlecocks.

[Special thanks to Patrick H. for bringing this story to our attention!]

It’s like Baby Beluga, minus the Beluga and plus the consumption

The Atkins Diet? Bah. Phen-phen? Phooey. South Beach Diet? Balderdash. Super XXL Vito-Blast? Yeah right (and furthermore, why oh why, Alex, does someone need 300 percent of their daily riboflavin intake?). Anything hocked by Anna Nicole Smith or that random blonde chick that loses her jeans in the commercial? No.

Why bother with any of those time-tested and failed excuses for dieting when the true solution has been found? Not only is it natural, but it fulfills the fetish that white people have for products originating from the east, this miracle pill coming from China and South Korea. Are you ready for it?

It’s powdered human flesh capsules, primarily originating from fetuses and babies.

Oh, you can go. I’ll let you run off and retch now.

In hindsight …

Whether it’s for your body, your car or just something that could benefit you in general, we at SG believe in preventative maintenance. Exercise a little, eat a banana or some greens minus the bacon, check on your tires, save a few dollars here and there, you know? By doing the little stuff, the early checks and balances of your day to day activities, you can make your future that much easier.

Which is why we’d like to advocate to South Korea that the actions of whoever it is in that country that gives out licenses to drive may not be doing the preventative maintenance that it should be doing. Like giving a license to drive to a senior citizen that’s failed the driving exam 960 times.

He said that Mrs Cha would not be a danger, since it was on the written part of the test, rather than the practical side, that she had failed so many times.

Yeah, we’re gonna go ahead and say that phrase may come back to bite Su-yeon in the butt.

Fun Fact: Preventative maintenance never killed anyone.

Ask Dr. Snee: No ifs, ands or butts

Dear Dr. Snee:

I’ve just had a birthday, and I’m worried about getting older. More specifically, about prostate exams. Do doctors really have to stick a finger up my butt? What if I enjoy it? Or are there any other methods?

–Sitting Around

You know, SA, you couldn’t time this question any better. In fact, your timing is so extraordinary that a casual reader might think I just scanned the news for a medical headline, found a silly one and then wrote a fake letter from someone embarrassed about prostate exams. It’s a funny idea, but completely untrue.

But, seriously: South Korean doctors have just devised a new test that also involves fingers, only this time, it’s with your finger. Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: No ifs, ands or butts

Birds on a plane

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s and bird and a plane!

Birds have shown a penchant for attacking our commercial aircraft by hitting windshields and getting stuck in jet turbines. But now, they have found other ways of holding up your flights: by boarding the plane before you do.

A plane in South Korea was all set to take off, when the flight was grounded because there was a sparrow flying around the cabin, making all sorts of demands. The bird became so much of a nuisance that the passengers had to get off the plane and hop on another one. The sparrow was captured, but incredibly, South Korean authorities let it go.

That sort of thing would never happen in North Korea.

The McBournie Minute: History That Happened in the Past (1950-1959)

When I was in school, in history classes they only taught us up until the end of World War II. This was not because I was going to school in the 1940s, but the teachers just ran out of steam or did not want to cover any of the controversial topics of the rest of the 20th century. The Nazis were evil, we beat them, America is a super power, the end. I had one high school American History course that made it to the Marshall Plan.

Still, I feel like something happened in those remaining 55 years that could better explain where we are today. That’s why I, Bryan McBournie, who minored in history, am here to help you learn about what happened through the decades since World War II. If you watch enough television  or listen to enough music ,you should know some of this yourself.

I’m starting with the 1950s. Why? Because nothing happened from 1946 to 1949 and you know it. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: History That Happened in the Past (1950-1959)

Obama lays out latest North Korea campaign

The United States Dungeon Master in Chief — and some would argue DM of the Free World — Barack Obama has laid out the latest table in the North Korea D&D game.

While Kim Jong Il might take the Road to War, where U.S. and South Korean special forces lie in wait to give him super painful wedgies, there are other options.

With a critical role, he could bypass the River of Annoyance and renegotiate food supplies from China.

Or, as DM Obama pushes, “There is another path available to North Korea, a path that leads to peace and economic opportunity for North Korea.”

Frustrated at recent events, Obama reinstated that North Korea is out of magic missiles and should stop trying to cast them into the ocean for loot.

Sexual frustration > gaming frustration

News bite: A high school student, frustrated, over a recent gaming session at an Internet café in South Korea set light to a warehouse Saturday evening.

The 15-year-old told police that he torched the warehouse, located at the top of a four-story building, because “his computer games did not go well.” The fire did an estimated four million won in damage.

Nice going, kid. It’s good that Korea isn’t letting a nasty stereotype stop them from being socially awkward.

A report on affairs o’ the Orient

G’morning, mateys! While many o’ ye be strictly Atlantic water pirates, more an’ more o’ ye have been smartly settin’ sail for the shores o’ China, lured by promises o’ gold fingernails, spices and lasses with tiny feet. For those of ye considerin’ the journey, here be a brief update on all things Asiatic:

Leave the rum, take the milk

Four little babies be dead and thousands more be sick from drinking a powderrrred formula that be tainted with chemicals.

The Chinese State Administration of Quality Supervision, Inspection and Quarantine (an upstandin’ organization that be always verifin’ that ye lead bars be gold) says that adults be safe for now, as the chemical, tripolycyanide, only kills wee lubbers under this tall.

So, if ye be dangerously near the last dregs of ye rum, consider setting anchor at the Glorious People’s Breast-Free Lacterium and adding some special formula to ye crew’s grog.

If ye blind friends be doin’ it, would ye?

South Korean Police have arrested 26 blind masseurs who were attemptin’ to jump off o’ a bridge–presumably because all o’ their friends be doin’ it.

The jumperrrs be protestin’ a law that be allowin’ currs with workin’ deadlights to be encroachin’ on their trade. In the past, the law only allowed blind jacks to massage ye, medically-speakin’ o’ course.

So, if ye be sailin’ past the Korean pennisula, keep an eye out for accidental deckside stowaways. It be not likely that they know where they be goin’.