Tag: South

The South rises! The South rises!

Oh, god! They warned us! They warned us over and over again on countless bumper stickers and XXXL t-shirts, but we didn’t listen!

Ladies and gentlemen, the South has a-risen a-again. In the wee early morning hours today, they began an assault on Ft. Sumter, on the exact day that there happened to be federal troops inside instead of its usual park ranger contingent. There’s no doubt in our minds that this was deliberate.

And now that they’ve sprung up again, let’s take a longer pause than we did in 1861 and consider: should we fight to keep them this time?

Teen pregnancy up because of (adult) stupidity

First off, this article wins our coveted Headline of the Day: “Teen birth rates up in 26 states.” If you thought Benjamin Button was bad, people are giving birth to nasty, surly teenagers!

But seriously (guys), let’s take a look at this very serious article about a very serious problem:

“The latest data on teen birth rates shows significant increases in 26 states, according to government data out today, which suggests that the rise in teens having babies is geographically broad-based and represents most regions of the USA.”

Wow, that’s really serious. The entire country is knocking up teens? All 26 states?

“The highest teen birth rates are in the South and Southwest; Mississippi is highest with 68.4 per 1,000, followed by New Mexico, with a rate of 64.1 and Texas, with 63.1. The lowest rates are in the Northeast. New Hampshire had the fewest teen births with 18.7 per 1,000. Vermont, with 20.8 per 1,000, and Massachusetts, with 21.3 per 1,000, were also low. Decreases were noted in New York, North Dakota, Rhode Island and the District of Columbia.”

Nope, just the South. Continue reading Teen pregnancy up because of (adult) stupidity

They’ll never even suspect it

You’ve got to give it to the south. Whenever we say they can’t possibly get any dumber, they go and prove us wrong.

A Georgia man had a cab driver pick him up at his apartment and drop him off at a local Sun Trust Bank. After the ensuing robbery, the man then had the cab driver politely take him back to his residence. We really wish there was a better word for stupid.