Baring your soul — and body — to Christ

In Central Virginia lies the town of Southampton. In Southampton lies the White Tail Chapel. In the White Tail Chapel lies a bunch of nude people on Sundays.

Yup.

Pastor Allen Parker has completely gone in on the idea of preaching in the buff and some of his congregation has joined him. It’s not about getting sexy while in the presence of the Lord, though, as Parker and members of the church believes it’s about finding the peace within themselves and their own self-acceptance.

Also, nudists are rarely the people that you want to see in the nude.

Also, that’s a lot of stinky bare butts touching the pews.

White people sure do some crazy s#@^.

Animals hinder, rather than help, the economy

We all know that animals are NOT our friends. They should be our servants, but that doesn’t necessarily mean we should task them with jobs. Nonetheless, the UK feels otherwise. A warehouse in Southampton has hired a cat to be its security guard. Rather than stimulate the world economy, much less their own, by creating a new job, the people in charge of Bandai’s warehouse feel it would be better to have a four legged creature make the rounds.

REASONS WHY THIS IS A BAD IDEA

  • There are people out there allergic to animal fur, potentially children. By having a cat prowl around the toys, these children have been given a death sentence.
  • By paying the cat in fish and cat food, you’ve prevented families and hobos, respectively, from eating. Thus, the families and hobos have been given a death sentence.
  • Where are the checks and balances for Millie? When everyone goes home, who monitors the warehouse to make sure that the cat’s not letting in any of its destructive friends and planting them inside the toy boxes? You’ve now given the children an additional death sentence.

How do you sleep at night, Bandai toy warehouse?

I think something might be lost in translation

Keeling Pilaro was a high-school boy playing field hockey on an all-girls team. That is no longer a reality.

“They told me I wasn’t allowed to play because I had advanced skills that I learned in Ireland,” Keeling told CBS 2′s Jennifer McLogan.
Mona Rivera of 1010 WINS also talked to Pilaro, who told her, “They told me because I have an adverse effect…and…but they didn’t even explain what the adverse effect was, so that’s what I’m kind of confused about.”

That’s a very kind way of saying you can’t play on this team because of your penis. Which may have an adverse effect on the girls.

It’s life imitating art

Especially when the art is a Steven Seagal movie. Note: this might be the truest form of an oxymoron.

Remember the Cold War? Everyone was all “Grr, snarl, I’ll get you Comrade Jerk-ski, Take that Capitalist Pig!” And then there was that whole nuclear standoff that has eventually put us where we are now. Which is to say, with the United States as the top dog and Russia still eating borscht. But hey, now we’ll never have movies like Hunt for the Red October. Right?

Not unless we’re able to add in countries like Britain.