Science: Maybe squid, octopi came from space

Yet another prediction from “The Simpsons” come true.

There are a lot of weird looking animals on this planet. Sometimes we even say they look like aliens. It’s possible we’ve been right the whole time.

According to a study published in a peer-reviewed journal, squid and octopi may have come from outer space. Octopi have the ability to edit their own RNA, which is an ability not found in any other branch of the animal kingdom. Given that recent studies have found that it is possible for organic molecules to exist in space, researchers argue that life may have come from other worlds. They argue that the scientific community can not rule out that squid or octopus eggs, or even the animals themselves, came to Earth millions and millions of years ago this way.

Science just backed up Prometheus.

Squid now the newest pilot whales

Anyone that’s studied our eternal enemies, the animals, is familiar with the pilot whale. The cetacean beasts are well-known for stranding their massive bodies on our beaches. Sure, it’s a form of suicide that we don’t fully understand (not that we’re complaining — less of them equals better odds for us in this war), but invariably, it ends with them leaving their diseased and decaying carcasses on our beaches, creating eye-sores and potentially locking up city funds to dispose them.

They’ve now got company in their life-ending ranks, as hundreds of squid washed ashore in Santa Cruz. Even when some of the idiotic masses attempted to place the molluscs back into the water, the creatures made their way back onto the shore.

We don’t really know why they decided to commit suicide. Perhaps they gave up on the war. Perhaps this is nothing more than an insidious plan on the animals part. Who knows? The only solution is to eliminate them all and find out later.

Squid are proud creatures

Yesterday marked the first day of a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” U.S. military, finally allowing gay, lesbian and bisexual service members serve openly, even in war zones. And, not to be outdone, our animal foes have matched us tit-for-tentacle: male deep sea squids have come out to our scientists as bisexual.

It’s a shame, too, because a lot of Southern high schools have to change their mascots now.

Unconvential weapons finally in use

The War on Animals is a total war, which means no one is safe. If you are an animal, regardless of how cute you are, we will hit you right in your breeding grounds. It also means we will use chemical warfare on you, because the Geneva Conventions do not apply to animals.

That’s why we’re hitting those we can’t really reach with chemicals like fire retardants. Yes, we are now attacking deep sea squid and octopi with chemical runoff from our shores. There is no telling yet what kind of effect our efforts will have on them and the rest of the cowards trying to hide from the war deep beneath the waves. We will fight them wherever we have to until the last one is dead.

Let’s just hope the chemicals don’t make these things colossal or super-intelligent.