Guess who just inherited dishes duty?

Video games are evil. They’ll rot your brain and kill you. After playing, all you want to do is smoke pot, drink alcohol, commit multiple heinous felonies and become a malcontent for society. Nyeh.

These are all the sundry words spewed against gamers. It doesn’t matter if they’re totally untrue-they make great headlines. Of course, you know what makes a hilarious headline? When the victim is a gamer.

62-year-old Malcolm Palmer killed the mother of his three children after she became addicted to Grand Theft Auto. Carol Cannom, 46, apparently drove her partner mad by dragging a 37-inch plasma TV into the main bedroom and spending the entire night on her PS3. Malcolm was forced onto the sofa in order to get any sleep.

But wait, there’s more.

The PS3 was bought for their ten-year-old son, who would be allowed to play until midnight each night. Once he’d finished, the mother would take over until five or six in the morning. Malcolm also believed that Carol somehow had time for an affair, and turned violent when he was ordered out of the house, and told he’d never see his kids again.

He then inflicted 20 wounds with two knives, and the attack was overheard by their son, who dialed 999 (the equivalent to 911). Palmer grabbed the phone off the boy and said:

“I’m sorry. I think I killed her.”

Palmer’s defense lawyer is clinging to the gaming as a means of justifying his client’s attack, claiming that the

“Genesis of the tragedy bizarrely lies with the purchase of a PlayStation.”

Bizarre is right. Unfortunately, thanks to the ineptitude of the article, we’ll never figure out exactly which version of Grand Theft Auto it was. Sadly, the world may never know if the voice work of Ray Liotta, Young Maylay or Michael Hollick. And they call themselves professionals.