Citizens of the Earth, we are facing an ever-present danger. We face a two-fold crisis. First, we are running out of oil, one of our main sources of fuel for things like transportation and otter-killing, and second, we face the threat of environmental destruction through (stop reading here if you are a neo-con) global warming.
Scientists are working around the world to find new sources of energy that could solve both problems for us, but it may not be fast enough. And now, we have threats from outer space. Not just from Keanu Reeves, but coming in the form of interstellar vandalism.
In England, hundred of UFOs are being reported, and a wind turbine was unexpectedly damaged in the area where most of the reports originate. Clearly, intelligent beings are coming to this planet to mess with our pinwheels.
Set phasers to kill!
So I caught a few previews for Austin Powers 4: The Love Guru and noticed Jessica Alba is in it. You have to look hard for it: she’s only in the preview for a few seconds and she’s allegedly the leading lady. The same thing happened with Good Luck Chuck, that last attempt to cash in on Dane Cook/Ryan Reynolds confusion. You know what else these movies have in common? I don’t plan on seeing either one until I’m so hungover that the remote weighs 300 pounds. (And even then, the TV has to just happen to be on that channel.)