Tag: Star Wars

The big eyes alone make him worthy of being one

Students at the University of Mississippi have launched a campaign to replace their former Civil War era mascot, Colonel Reb, with the leader of the Rebel forces, Admiral Ackbar. But is it a trap? Officials at Ole’ Miss are leaning more towards, yes, “IT’S A TRAP!”

Oh c’mon, that was a lot of fun to say, even as someone who’s not a Star Wars geek.

Since 2003, the University of Mississippi retired Colonel Reb, the Ole Miss’ Colonel Sanders lookalike, as their on-field mascot. This year students voted on whether to begin the search for a new mascot, and surprisingly enough, the squid-eyed Supreme Commander of the Rebel fleet has garnered some serious press as a candidate, thanks in no small part to an internet campaign that went viral.

Even though there’s no chance in the world that Ole Miss’ administration will honor the vote if, in the slim chance that the good Admiral wins, the idea of him puttering around The Grove, slamming shots with Abercrombie & Fitch wearing frat boys is too ludicrously awesome for this reality.

Smelliest flash mob ever

We’ve waxed poetic about Star Wars many times before in the past-truthfully, the majority opinion here at SG is that Star Wars nerds are absolutely hilarious to watch in real life. And we don’t care how hard you send your emails or how sternly you word them from the basement in which you reside.

But, wow. That’s a lot of Cheetos smell.

“I HAVE THE UPPER GROUND, GUVNA’!”

The McBournie Minute: We deliver for you–at a huge loss

Remember mail? It was like e-mail, but with a much higher risk of paper cuts and a much lower risk of young co-eds wishing to become your friend. Apparently mail is still around, but people aren’t using it as much anymore.

Word just came in that the U.S. Postal Service posted a $3.8 billion loss for the 2009 fiscal year, or as Detroit calls it, Monday. The Postal Service isn’t doing so well, while Federal Express (FedEx) and UPS (UPS) are struggling because private companies just can’t compete with federal agencies, isn’t that right, teabaggers?

OK, so maybe the Postal Service needs some help. They’re planning to stop shipments on Saturdays to save money, but what they really need is some fresh eyes on the problem. Luckily for America, I just happen to be willing to lend my services. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We deliver for you–at a huge loss

Take it from Snee: Cosplay against Confederates

So, I’ve been reading Confederates in the Attic, in which the author–Tony Horwitz–explores the South’s enduring CSA obsession. While it delves into issues like the Confederate battle flag (which I’ve commented on before and have since changed my mind about) and the families of long-dead soldiers, the interesting parts are about the reenactors.

Unfortunately—or fortunately, depending on your perspective—there is a dearth of Union reenactors compared to Confederates, so much so that Southerners often have to pose as Yankees just to get the numbers right for battles. Apparently, people in the North don’t harp so much about a war that they won 144 years ago.

What are die-hards obsessed with a war over states’ rights [to slavery ] to do when their Northern counterparts don’t want to play along anymore?

And then I remembered a comparison I wrote over a year ago and a comment Chugs made:  reenactors are the original cosplayers. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Cosplay against Confederates

Leave the store you must

We all know the Jedi from the Star Wars movies and that kid from high school who smelled funny. We saw the noble Jedi do battle with the evil Sith, and lost miserably because Yoda and Obi-Wan screwed it up for everyone. But the Sith aren’t the only enemy of the Jedi, they also must fight discrimination.

Unable to use their fabled mind tricks on Earth for some reason, the Jedi are harassed by mere humans. Recently, Daniel Jones, the founder of the International Church of Jediism (not to be confused with Judaism) was thrown out of an English grocery store because he would not remove his hood, which he says is part of his religion.

It seems the Evil English Empire has no tolerance for those who do not belong here and now, but a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Luckily Jedi lawsuit powers still work on this planet.

Science inches closer to jumping the Ewok

Everyone who’s seen Star Wars (any of the good movies, that is) remembers the Death Star-large, gray beach ball ship that used green lasers to blow up a planet. Blew up exactly one whole planet in the movies. More bark than bite, truthfully.

Scientists in California would like to prove that wrong. A new laser was debuted recently, detailing about how it has the power to burn as hot as a star.

“We have invented the world’s largest laser system,” actor-turned-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger said during a dedication ceremony attended by thousands including state and national officials.

Coming from a man who’s sole mission in film is to be more violent and Arnold-ier than anyone else in movies, that’s only fitting. Granted, the press may be saying that real purpose of the laser is to create large amounts of energy, but, c’mon, we all know its true use.

Next step: star powered gravity drives on spaceships. Why? How else are we going to tow our massive laser cannon into space and blow the hell out of a planet?

Take it from Snee: Toys suck anyway

Alright, so I’m getting married this weekend. This means two things:

  1. There will be no writing from me next week because I’ll be in Bermuda.
  2. I’m going to write some crap about growing up, becoming a man, etc.

Interestingly enough, point number two seems to be a popular theme this week, as my old friend Charles Smith (an alias to be sure) has his own opinions about it in Whim this week.

Yep, it was about when I worried about having hemorrhoids on my honeymoon that I realized I’m acting more and more like a grown-up. So it’s time to put away childish things, or toys, and embrace the things of men.

Video games stay, though, because they’re not toys. They’re training files should the government ever require my services as a fighter pilot/secret agent/Italian stereotype that squashes pizza ingredients.

The Star Wars figures are just that: figures, as in they will one day be worth several figures and finance my retirement or crippling gambling addiction. They stay.

Everything else, though, is gone. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Toys suck anyway

Take it from Snee: Fanboys are a disease

On August 15th, yet another Star Wars prequel will be released into theaters, followed shortly thereafter by a TV series that is set between episodes three and four. (A short-lived TV series, by my wager.)

So, after three abysmal prequels–each over two hours long–there’s allegedly still too much back story left unsaid about the Rebellion against the Empire: a war that only took three decent movies to start and win. It seems ridiculous, considering we’ve already seen Darth Vader turn evil, renege on child support and correct his absentee-fatherhood after an unfortunate series of lightsaber incidents.

But no, it’s apparently not enough, because the fans still demand more context for the war to end all productive self-restraint.

Yeah, you heard me (if you didn’t read the title): George gets to sit this one out while the fanboys finally take the blame they deserve. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Fanboys are a disease

Obama sequels/prequels will suck

Kids, we know you love Barack Obama right now. You’ve got the Obama bedsheets, the Obama action figures and playsets — including the Hillary doll your dog chewed up — and a lifetime membership in the Barack Obama Fan Club. (Your pin and stickers are in the mail.)

Yep, you think you’re always gonna love this year’s blockbuster hero. But there is a dark and sinister force looming on the horizon …

George Lucas has declared Obama to be the “hero” “for all of us that have dreams and hope.”

So, enjoy Obama while you can. In 20 years, Lucas will undoubtably make a horrible sequel or prequel with bad dialogue and annoying CGI.

The worst part is that when you’ll say these new movies aren’t as good as the original Obama, your peers will tell you that the original Obama was this bad — you just didn’t notice because you were a kid.

Take it from Snee: The science behind fairy tales, love

In keeping with this week’s theme of love, whether it is love of the New England Patriots, movies or Shaquille O’Neal, I’m looking at what those stories and plenty of others hint at: fairy tale love.

Live Science reported on theoretical studies about fairy tales, the purpose of these being to find out if their plot devices are physically possible.

  • A prince could scale Rapunzel’s tower, so long as she tied her trusses to a support beam first.
  • Ariel (a.k.a. the Little Mermaid) could have her voice blocked with a transplant that bends sound waves, rendering them inaudible.
  • A carpet can fly if air vibrates at the right frequency.

Continue reading Take it from Snee: The science behind fairy tales, love