Crazy woman crazily sues NYC for crazy amount

Just off the top of your head, how much might you say New York City is worth? 1 billion dollars? 2 billion? 50 billion?

What about 900 trillion dollars? One more question: just how much is that?

All these questions and more should be directed toward one Fausat Ogunbayo, a mother from Staten Island that’s now suing the famous city for the paltry amount of 900 trillion dollars. That’s trillion as in “the national debt is in the double digit trillions.” In a decision made by the Administration for Children’s Services, Ogunbayo, who has decided to represent herself, had her children placed in foster care in 2008, which has apparently led to the most hellish 3 years ever seen.

The decision to remove the children may have been a good one.

In court papers, the ACS references several peculiar incidents where Ogunbayo sought out medical treatment because she believed her children’s skin color was becoming darker due to radiation.

That tends to be something called tanning.

I’ll have an oxy-flavored astro-pop

You might hear the song She’ll be Comin’ Round the Mountain from the ice cream truck cruising through the neighborhood, but you may not feel it even hitting you if you purchase anything from it. In fact, you might just want to think twice before even tracking it down.

A Lickety Split ice cream truck in New York has been busted for selling oxycodone (the generic version of the world famous pain-killer, Oxycontin), mostly out of the truck. No word yet on the quality of Lickety Split’s ice cream, but we suspect the Coke Float could become addictive.

Which is understandable, as Coke Floats are delicious, especially if you can’t feel your tongue.

The birds and the teens

As providers of news and entertainment, The Guys listen good and hard when it comes to your tastes. In that vein, we bring you TEENAGE SEX!

Talk dirty to them
A New York City judge ruled that it was wrong for the Department of Education to suspend a sex education teacher for using vulgar terms in class. In the reading of his decision, Judge Jack Weinstein said, “At least she didn’t f#@k them.”

That’s a wrap
Washington, D.C. officials are now giving out bigger condoms to high school and college students after receiving complaints that the previous ones were too small and brittle. The male students are happier, adding that now they just need to find people to have sex with their “giant monster dongs.”