Tag: STD

We’ll cure that four hour erection now

The pharmaceuticals industry has changed the way we view old age. Old men used to be creepy; now they’re creepy with boners.

As a result of Generation Viagra, women have fallen behind. While the average 55-year-old woman can remain sexually active for an additional 11 years, the average 55-year-old clinically-induced chubbie will continue to hump her leg until the undertaker forcibly restrains him.

If you thought that was bad enough, the fastest growing age group with STDs are the elderly. (Your grandmother apparently prefers to “ride bareback.”)

So, think about that next time you’re visiting older relatives.

New study reveals teens still lie about sex

So, in spite of rising STD and pregnancy rates, a new study claims that abstinence-only education is “working.”

If you’re anything like the Guys, you’re probably wondering, “How is that working?” Because the study moved the goalposts.

The success of abstinence-only education is now based on how many teens have sex afterwards. You know, because it’s OK if less teens have more babies and genital warts.

It may be like saying that there’s less overall crime, but there’s more rape and murder than ever. But at least we finally got littering under control!

Those are three words you never want to hear

I’ve heard plenty of three word phrases in my life. Some have been utterly spectacular and they do nothing but brighten up your day. Some are not so divine. And yet still, there are others, like “Ruth Bader Ginsburg,” that will simply shrivel your soul back from the enlightened state it might have been … or at least, where your soul might be located.

But what no man wants to hear, much less an entire country, is “severe sexual repression.” Unfortunately, China is hearing that very phrase attributed to itself.

It would appear that in Guangdong, STD’s are spreading like wildfire through a gasoline soaked Amish barn. But how can that happen in a repression? Well, migrant workers are turning to sex workers more and more thanks to being away from their families; however, when they come back, they end up bringing more than just a week’s wage. Would you be happy if your husband came back with a tongleberry on his tackleberry? This is largely being attributed to the area having very little education in sexual activity.

The guys have a different opinion on the matter. Personally, we think this might be more closely linked to China’s decision to ban the consumption of canines. After all, you didn’t hear about this news until after the ban was proposed, right?