Longevity comes from beer, cookies

A hundred-year-old English woman has some good news for you: keep drinking your beer.

Eileen Maher just turned 100, and she celebrated by downing a Stella Artois and some cookies — for good reason — she credits them for her longevity. That science seems good enough for us.

There are a couple bonus facts that we found in this article: if you live in the U.K., you get a telegram from Queen Elizabeth on your 100th birthday. Also, apparently telegrams are still a thing over there.

A call to arms

When the post category is Booze News, it’s not often the news is shocking enough for people to do anything but drink in protest. This is not the case for today’s shocking news: InBev is attempting a hostile takeover of the world’s largest producer of beer, Anheuser-Busch.

You may not know InBev, but you know their labels, among which are Beck’s and Stella Artois. Their bid to buy Anheuser has sparked a lot of anger in Americans, who see the over-carbonated, watery beer as an American staple, like baseball and apple pie.

There is only one thing we can do, fellow boozers, we must boycott these tasty foreign brews and march stagger on InBev’s headquarters in Europe. In America, no one makes bad beer but Americans!