Tag: stephen colbert

Americans love watching people go around in circles

The Olympics are coming up. Only for some reason, they’re having them in the winter. What’s worse, they’re being held in Vancouver, Canada.

But not every team will get to go to these alleged “winter games,” unless they get help from the followers of a show on Comedy Central (which is also how it worked in ancient Greece). The U.S. Speed Skating team was sponsored by DSB Bank, which is based in the Netherlands, somewhere near the Dutch. Then the bank went belly-up.

Stephen Colbert and his followers, the Colbert Nation, came to the rescue. Lead by their namesake, the Colbert Nation have put up thousands of dollars to send our boys and girls all the way to Vancouver, which I believe is a matter of miles north of Seattle.

In unrelated news, The Guys are forming a curling team, and we need money.

And that’s the Word

In other International Space Station-related news, NSA NASA held an online contest to name a node that will be attached to the ISS on some future flight. They had nice names like “Serenity” and “Legacy,” but America chose not to send up a node that sounds like a brand of ladies’ lady plug things.

No, instead we named it “Colbert.”

That’s right, Stephen Colbert won the competition.  And will now be remembered among the stars. It really fits right in with Node 1, Unity, and Node 2, Harmony. Will NASA really end up naming the node after the greatest American since George Reagan Lincoln? Probably not. But it will always be Node Colbert to us.

How To: Mourn a celebrity

Jesus, the Internet’s like a bad zombie movie these days. Just a couple of weeks ago, you were lucky if you caught “It’s Bad for Ya” on HBO, which was played as filler between John Adams marathons and Recount. But now that George Carlin’s dead, you can’t escape the c**ksucker.

(And the week before, it was Tim Russert. You know, the guy from the political news that wasn’t Chris Matthews.)

The Guys are running around the Internet, trying to find quality news for you readers, and there’s George, walking around in another eulogy. No matter how fast we run, he’s still there, right behind us.

But he doesn’t moan for “braaaaaaaains” or even “pussyyyyyyyy farrrrrrrts.” No, he sounds like Jerry Seinfeld, Stephen Colbert or some blogger. There’s George, but that isn’t George anymore.

So how do dead celebrities get around so much? Because everyone’s gotta take their turn to mourn and do it right, or their fans will jump out of the woodworks to call you “insensitive.” It’s this rabid attention to post-mortem detail that prompted us to write how to mourn a celebrity. Continue reading How To: Mourn a celebrity