In recent news, the smartest man on wheels, Stephen Hawking revealed that he, too, spends most of his time thinking about women. And I, for one, feel much better for knowing that, because I also find women to be “a complete mystery,” as Professor Hawking put it.
However, I am concerned because, again, if Stephen Hawking — the man who has informed our current understanding of black holes — has yet to unravel the mystery that is women, then what chance do we have of ever solving these riddles. Riddles like: Continue reading Take it from Snee: Women are mysterious
Reader, are women a complete mystery to you? Women readers, are you a complete mystery to yourselves?
Don’t feel so bad. You’re in the same boat as Professor Stephen Hawking, and he’s a genius.
The author of ’80s coffee table book, A Brief History of Time, was asked by New Scientist magazine (even though he’s not exactly new) what he thinks about the most, to which he replied, “Women.” And then, realizing that the greatest living mind just sounded like a hornball, he added, “They are a complete mystery.”
Ladies who just “d’aww”-ed: now imagine that spoken through a Speak & Spell. It’s like your dildo gained sentience and wants to fill you with Borg babies.
I’m back, I know both of you missed me. What did I miss while I was gone? Apparently, a fair amount. I would like to thank Chugs “Chris” Taylor not only for handling YMI in my absence, but for actively encouraging the ruination of my trip. He is the Glenn Beck of vacations. Anyway, if you were busy trying to keep brown people out of your state, odds are you missed it.
Where’s Bruce Willis from ‘Armageddon’ when you need him?
Oil drilling is dangerous, and like evil, man. You remember the eco-stoners in college, right? Now they have more fodder to preach. An oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico is beginning to wash ashore in Louisiana, with no end for at least a month. Pop the popcorn, then sit back and enjoy as the first images of bird covered in oil. That’s how we tar and feather our enemies in America, baby!
Don’t say we didn’t warn you
We’ve been telling you for years now that aliens are bad, and it looks like Stephen Hawking is joining our ranks. He said recently that mankind shouldn’t be so excited to rush off and find life on other planets, because there’s good chance that they are more advanced than us and will enslave us as soon as they realize we exist. After that, Hawking theorized, it will take Space Abraham Lincoln to save us.
Reminder: Your .45 is not a utensil
The Tennessee senate passed a bill this week that would require restaurants to put up signs reminding patrons that guns are not allowed. However, guns are allowed in bars. Can someone go let Plaxico Burress know about this when he gets out of jail?