According to police, the television executive in charge of Bridges TV — a network dedicated to improving the image of Muslims in the media — beheaded his wife after she filed for divorce.
We repeat: Muzzammil Hassan, whose career was based on disproving stereotypes of barbaric fundamentalist misogyny (among others), cut his wife’s head off when she wanted an all-American divorce.
Once again: the guy who was worried that we thought all Muslims ritually behead unbelievers in public displays of terror … cut his wife’s head off at a TV station that he founded to show us they don’t do that, because she didn’t want to be married to him anymore.
This is not a test of the SeriouslyGuys Irony Alert System. The irony alert we have issued is real.
Please remain in your homes until told that the irony alert is over in your neighborhood. If you have any small children or mentally-imbalanced family members are are unable to discern irony, please distract them with an impromptu stuffed animal puppet show until the irony has passed. In the event that they ask questions about the irony, refer to our Irony Hotline, where one of our operators will talk you through an explanation.
If you experience any headaches (sorry) or nausea, remember: every religion is full of these assholes.