Everything will kill you

Scientists in Australia (yeah, that’s funny for us to say too) have come out with a new study (it must be that time of the month) proclaiming that, for those of us after the first quarter of our life, for every hour that you spend watching television, you become approximately 21 to 22 minutes closer to death. Mind you, this closer to simply sitting around being the problem rather than just television, but the comparison to cigarettes is of course made in the study.

As such, SG would like to bring to mind other things that will kill you:

  • Bears
  • Transvestite sharks
  • The ire of a drunken baboon
  • A rabid wheel of cheese that has been infused with gamma radiation
  • Tom from Myspace if you mention Mark from Facebook
  • Nickelback

Video games will kill you

Iowa State University would have you believe that video games aren’t safe.

Iowa State University would like to it known that video games are causing aggressive behavior in children regardless of their cultural surroundings, which is totally not a case of kids being kids.

Iowa State University would like you to think that a new study from their merry halls shows several parallels to a recent Japanese study.

Iowa State University isn’t telling you the whole truth.

Video games will kill you. Video games are nothing but a tool of Al Qaeda. You want proof?

One detainee is said to have been schooled in making detonators out of Sega game cartridges.

That’s some old school destruction, and I’m not talking about the kind found in Gunstar Heroes. Whoever gets the job tonight won’t have to deal with just the fallout of the War in Iraq, Guantanamo Bay and the crash of Wall Street, but also the destructive capabilities of old copies of Mutant League Football.