PSA: 262 pieces of candy will kill you

It’s Halloween, which means it’s nearly time to put up your Veterans’ Day decorations. But before we get to that fun, there is still the tradition of harassing neighbors into giving you candy, better known as trick-or-treating. This year, The Guys want to make sure that you don’t kill yourself with candy.

So how much candy would it take to kill you? About 262 “fun size” Halloween treats for an adult, researcher say. That comes out to 5.4 pounds of sugar, which is pretty gross to think about. With such levels of sugar in your body, there’s a very good chance you wouldn’t survive.

And because we want you to stay safe and give us more hits in the future, we’re here to tell you to practice moderation. Only each 250 or fewer pieces of Halloween candy in a sitting.

Comet Lovejoy is a ball of booze

Somewhere out in space there’s a whole lot of booze. This is why we have a space program.

According to a recent report, Comet Lovejoy is basically made of alcohol and simple sugar. Sure, the comet is also made of rock, but apparently it’s covered with the makings of a great cocktail. Scientists say the two drink ingredients are also some of the building blocks of life.

So the next time you’re feeling low on life, throw some building blocks in a glass and enjoy.

We’re making ants fat

If there’s an upside to our constant consumption of fast food, it’s that we’re giving scavengers unhealthy diets, too.

According to a new report, ants that live in cities are more likely to consume fast food than ants in less populated areas. Out in the country, ants have a diet of grasses and whatever you hit with your car, but in the city, it’s that greasy food or sugary drink that you drop on the ground.

The long game here is to give urban ants heart attacks, and we’re doing well.

Take it from Snee: This just ain’t healthy

So I quit smoking. No, no — please hold your applause until the end.

I’ve always been a pretty healthy guy. I work out. I don’t eat a lot of sugar, salt or arsenic. I only drink on weekends, but I always use that time productively by getting really drunk and designated driving. I don’t always use a condom when I’m treating myself to a prostitute, but I always ask if they have any on them. (If they don’t, it means they’re clean.)

So, I guess it made sense to quit smoking. I mean, why would I otherwise put in all that other effort to stay healthy?

Ah, but then I did some reading. Despite this latest endeavor, I’m still not healthy. Continue reading Take it from Snee: This just ain’t healthy