Big is beautiful and single

That’s right: if you’re a woman who happens to be a chubby-chaser, then you’ve got the chance to land yourself a jackpot of a man here. The sumo grand champion Asashoryu announced that he’s getting a divorce from his wife of five years. The two have had troubles for years, as she apparently wasn’t even publicly seen in his trip to Mongolia two years back, nor have they been living together. DUM DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMM.

So, what can you do to win this man’s heart? Well, it’s been said that he’s big into fashion, so might I suggest a date to the fashion district of Japan (whatever that is)? He’ll enjoy going around and talking to the high-end designers, no doubt. It’ll suck that his handler will likely follow you on the date, as an overprotective parent would, but they can also be a good resource on knowing the right places to go eat. Also, you might not want to make any comments about his weight. You know, just in case.

Camryn Manheim could not be reached for comment

Plus-sized models of the world, gather forth: your new god is here!

In some sort of zany marketing stunt, the current reigning sumo champion, Asahoryu, went on stage at the Shibuya Girls Collection, joining in with the male and female models, showing off a junior high school uniform. A very big junior high school uniform. The whole stunt was part of a marketing campaign for Fanta, which currently stars Asahoryu.

“I felt a kind of tension that was new to me. The shrill voices were also impressive,” said Asahoryu.

That’s just all kinds of creepy.

It’s certainly an interesting marketing ploy, but it’s nothing too surprising for Japan. No matter how large of a celebrity you are, you’ll end up doing endless promotions and events for products. It must be how they make a good portion of their supplementary income. Plus, it’ll be a while before the next sumo championship, so he’s got to do something with his time. You know, other than eating.