Police: Batman steals beer

Superhero movies this summer, while mostly disappointing, all dealt with whether vigilantes with superpowers should be held accountable and controlled by society. So it’s fitting that this is now a real-world issue.

In upstate New York, a man in a Batman costume and a Captain America mask stole a couple cases of Budweiser (“America”) from a convenience store. Because when you have a superhero thirst, one case just isn’t going to do it. Was this Batman? Was this Captain America? Or was this a clever commentary on how superhero movies have devolved into two-hour-long beer commercials? Who can save us from this menace?

One thing we do know: the runs won’t just be in the tights.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Iron Man 2’

For those with Netflix (and if you don’t have it, then shame on you, and shame on me for my completely unsolicited plug), Iron Man 2 will soon be available to watch streaming. This is something to keep in mind, as there are worst ways to kill time. But should you put at the top of your queue, or should you just meander around to it? Hit the jump button to find out. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Iron Man 2’

WARNING: Scratching “yourself” with 10x your normal strength may lead to hazardous results.

Everyone just loves being a superhero. We mean, sure, being bad could be pretty cool, but ultimately, everyone wants to be the hero. Well, true believer, now you, too, can be Iron Man and only for the low, low price of $4200.

Cyberdyne, a Japanese technology firm that totally has nothing to do at all with the Cyberdyne of the Terminator/killer robot apocalypse film franchise, has begun building a powered exoskeleton suit for purchase. Named the HAL exoskeleton, it uses sensors to increase your strength to double the power. Possibly even tenfold.

Okay, so actually we just wanted to say the word tenfold.

Unfortunately, there are just a few things wrong with the situation:

  1. Even though the suits are only $4200 each, the annual production is limited to simply 400 units. By the time you finish this sentence, they’re probably all sold out.
  2. Cyberdyne? HAL? Anything combining these two words effectively means the end of mankind. We’re boned.
  3. Try to scratch your butt while wearing that thing. Don’t be surprised to hear the suit respond to you with, “I can’t do that, Dave.”

When he comes out of the closet, it’s to put on his outfit

Stan Lee was great during the 60’s and 70’s, as when he was partnered with Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko, he helped co-create Spider-Man, Fantastic Four, Hulk, the X-Men and tons more. Well, follow fast, true believer, as he’s back. That’s right, Stan is creating another super-hero.

And this time, the super-hero is FABULOUS!

Yes, the octogenarian will soon unveil “the world’s first gay superhero”. On television, mind you. Because that’s only where actual stuff happens. The link is worth clicking simply for the awful Photoshop picture.

Unavailable for comment were Midnighter, Apollo, modern Batwoman, current The Question, Northstar, Wiccan, Hulkling, Anole, Karma and Freedom Ring, among others.