Apparently, it costs more than a couple of cases of beer to get the FBI to go through family members’ texts. At least, that’s what a judge in North Carolina learned after being charged with attempted bribery.
According to the FBI, Superior Court Judge Arnold Ogden Jones was charged with attempted bribery after allegedly offering an agent a couple of cases — y’know, like buddies — if the agent would ignore a lack of probable cause and obtain some text messages for “just for [him].” And who hasn’t asked their neighbor or coworker for that? Violating the U.S. Constitution is just one of those things good friends do, like loan a cup of sugar without habeas corpus or quarter some troops, no questions asked.
Of course, then things got weird because the agent reportedly turned down the beer(!) and asked for $100 instead. Jones should’ve known something was up, because nobody turns down free beer. I mean, cash is nice, but you can’t drink it and, believe us, it doesn’t get you high when you smoke it.
A judge has ruled that David Coppedge was not dismissed from his job with NASA because of his belief in intelligent design, ruling that this was only one example of his scientific incompetence.
Coppedge had worked as a computer specialist for the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory until 2011, when — according to JPL — he was let go for refusing to undergo training after it was announced that his project, the Cassini mission to explore Saturn, would be downsized. He was also reportedly the subject of workplace complaints for his unerring dedication to shoving his intelligent design beliefs and videos onto his coworkers.
In a stroke of the irony NASA is famous for, Coppedge is to be replaced with a new employee that was designed (whether by an intelligent creator or natural selection) to act like less of a douche in the lab.
Sorry to interupt today’s observance of the War on Animals, but Starbucks is in trouble!
The San Diego Superior Court has ordered the company to pay over $100 million to all of its waiters baristas in California. They were sued by a former employee who claimed that shift supervisors were included in tip-share, which is in violation of state law.
This venti order of justice could not come at a worse time. Starbucks has been in financial trouble for almost two years now because caffeine junkies have turned their back on them in favor of quicker fixes like Red Bull, Dunkin’ Donuts and crack-coccaine.
Remember the world before Starbucks? When you had to drink a Coke to wake up in the morning? When your tongue wasn’t stained hemorrhoid brown? When you didn’t have a place to show off your Macbook?
Do you really want to go back to using PCs, having money for cigarettes and listening to Peter Cetera un-ironically?
We didn’t think so. Get to a Starbucks today, and let them know what America is really about: not drinking tea.