supermarket | SeriouslyGuys

Graeme Swann, who is a star “spinner” for what we’re told is a sport called “cricket,” was pulled over for drunk driving because his cat got stuck in the floorboards of his home.

Well, first he was pulled over for driving a Porsche in a s#@tty neighborhood. Then he apparently sounded drunk when trying to explain to the officer that his cat had crawled into his house’s floor.

A blood test confirmed that he was 3 mg over the legal limit, but milligrams are as foreign to us as a sport where players dress like picnickers in Mary Poppins. So, we have no idea if he was really smashed or just booze-ness casual.

The story also fails to mention if the cat is still stuck in the floorboards.

If there’s one age group that cannot be trusted, it’s the elderly.

Their changing bodies, hormonal shifts and lack of employment to occupy their wandering minds combine to create the perfect criminal.

The latest case of geriatric delinquency comes from Long Island, New York, where a couple in their sixties were confronted by police for committing a Jell-O scheme.

For the unfamiliar, a Jell-O scheme is a form of financial fraud where the criminal buys boxes of Jell-O mix, makes the Jell-O, eats the Jell-O and then fills the box, reseals it and returns it to the store for a full refund.

The culprits reportedly racked in a 100-percent profit of $1.40 per caper (not including purchases made on double coupon days).

Tag: supermarket

Fine, but is the cat dead?

There’s always room in J-A-I-L-O

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