Excuse me, doctor, have you been drinking?

Surgeons are among the few people in this world who have a bona fide reason to drink, as if you really need one. They see people’s insides day-in and day-out. Plus, they probably have people making cracks about Grey’s Anatomy every time they tell someone what they do for a living. What’s more is that unlike most of us, the actually have the money to go out and get absolutely plastered every night.

The thing is, they really shouldn’t do that, according to a new study. Apparently, surgeons who drank the night before are more likely to make mistakes during surgery the next day, even though they don’t have a drop of booze in their systems at that point.

Of course, then there’s the whole muscle memory aspect. Like how you suck at beer pong when you’re sober, but once you have a few in you, your skills return. Doctors could easily learn out to cut drunk, then they could do it fine every time.

More fruit! More fruit!

You know how everyone’s supposed to eat five servings of fruit a day? If you didn’t, that’s OK, because you’re supposed to eat eight servings now.

According to a new study in Europe, people who eat eight servings of fruit a day have a 22 percent lower risk of dying from heart disease than those slackers who only eat three. The study did not state whether they died of pineapple-related injuries instead.

But, seriously, eight servings? At some point, heart disease might be welcome.

Oh, and in other medical news: your cyst might be making your surgeon suicidal. Maybe you should just wear longer sleeves, you selfish jerk.