Tag: sweden

Stockholm syndrome

We don’t like Sweden. Aside from supermodels, they really haven’t contributed to the world. All they do is land somwhere, pillage the country of its culture, then return to their longships and head back home.

But they’re growing on us now. Not only is Stockholm culling thousands of wild rabbits, but it is sending the beasts a message by burning the carcasses to be used as fuel to heat Swedish homes.

The message: “Hey rabbits! You think you can hope around in our parks and woodlands? Your time is up, buddy! We’re going to heat ourselves during the long Nordic winter with you!”

Starcraft continues to be serious business

A wonky Internet hookup is said to have triggered a Swedish Starcraft enthusiast’s random knife attack of a 15-year-old girl. Because, you know, that’s a logical conclusion to make.

Accordingly, the unnamed 18-year-old assailant “became angry when his internet connection wouldn’t work.” He then consulted a troubleshooting manual which apparently told him to grab a knife and go outside, as that will solve everything. There he attacked a 15-year-old girl “who was on her way home from a party and laughing with a friend.” Take that, you inconsiderate individual having fun times!

Her injuries were not life threatening. Mister Stabby was sentenced to psychiatric care.

2 LEGIT 2 QUIT

Yar! It be quite a scurvy world out thar, and not everyone be able ta cut it out in the land of serious business, also be known as The Intarnetz.

The latest crew to become permanent landlubbers be The Pirate Bay, the Stockholm-based piracy site that formerly be a peer-to-peer server which made video games, movies and music available for “sharing” among users, but most recently, be raided by Swedish commodores and the ensuing trial against the BitTorrent site’s founder resulted in a guilty verdict. No more though! The Pirate Bay now be owned by Sweden’s Global Gaming Factory X AB for the quaint sum of 7.8 million dollars. That be a lot of wenches and grog!

In a quote from Hans Pandeya, CEO of the buyers:

“We would like to introduce models which entail that content providers and copyright owners get paid for content that is downloaded via the site.”

“In order to live on, The Pirate Bay requires a new business model, which satisfies the requirements and needs of all parties, content providers, broadband operators, end users, and the judiciary. Content creators and providers need to control their content and get paid for it.”

Seems that legal fees be a higher priority than privateering, eh bucko?

We’ll take that back, thank you

The corporate world can get down right nasty. The trademark and copyright industry can be even nastier. If you take something that belongs to someone, be prepared to pay, no matter who it is. Even a company that’s currently putting an image of “Happy Fun Time We Are Nonthreatening.”

Like Nintendo.

Nintendo found out that a small dental firm in Malmö, Sweden, “Wii Smile”, had been using the name, and threw their lawyers of doom at the partners, forcing a change. One of the firm’s two partners, Christer Wihlborg, claims innocence, saying that his name starts with “Wi” and there are two owners, which apparently led to a completely independent and innocent decision being made about the surgery’s name. Of course, that doesn’t really work, considering that “Wii” has been a trademarked name since 2006, a year before the firm came into existence.

The weirdest part though? Nintendo says that the only reason they’re taking legal action is (other than the whole trademark and the total same names thing) because they claim the original 2006 trademark applied to not only home video game consoles, but dentistry as well. Yes, you read that right: dentistry.

Be prepared in late 2009 for the next great party game, “Super Mario Cavity Search.”

Great, now they’re using weapons

If you read this blog at all, you know the one simple truth: animals are everywhere and they are out to get us. But you’re smart, you come here for the latest updates. We help you face the danger others choose to ignore so they can sleep at night. We’re like your own person Jack Bauer.

If you ever find yourself in Sweden, don’t go to the Furuvik Zoo–unless you’re armed. That’s where the Swedes are keeping Santino the chimpanzee. Like any other chimp, Santino is dangerous as hell and has no regard for human life. But he takes it a step eviler.

Santino plots when he’s had enough of tourists. So he piles up some rocks and waits for just the right time. When the time comes, he launches the rocks at unsuspecting tourists, sometimes hitting them. Why does he do this? You can only fling poop so far.

It’s probably best to avoid mentioning the third day

We at SG are usually nonplussed about religion and any wacky aspects that people infer in their daily lives. I mean, ultimately, religion is a can of worms that we just don’t want to get into.

But really Sweden? A religion dedicated to worshiping le petit mort? I mean, hasn’t that type of thought gotten your churches into enough trouble already? (Link is most probably NOT SAFE FOR WORK)

Porn but for the grace of God

Oh, Sweden. We may only hear from you but every few months, but when we do, how you entertain us. For example ….

A Swedish minister has resigned from his parish after infecting the network with viruses … while surfing for porn. Considering that he only got away with a resigning, we can say that God is definitely a New Testament God rather than an Old Testament God.

Despite infecting the church’s IT system with a nasty case of Internet-phyllis, he still ranks higher in the “I’m a better dude than you” hierarchy than your stereotypical Catholic priest. Idle hands, gents.

Swedish doctor to be fired over opening mouth and saying “ahhhh”

Oh, Internet. How we love thee. We give you our slack-jawed attention and you use give us the warm and radioactive heat that we so desperately crave. So, what have you given us other than that today? What’s that? Another sex scandal? Why it wouldn’t be a day at SeriouslyGuys without a sex scandal, after all!

So, the four of us at SG went to college together, and while our school did not have a medical school (heck, I’ve got family members that nearly blew up the science building), we thought they would have taught this in medical school, but I suppose bears repeating nonetheless—just because a patient gets a ha thoroughly enjoys someone during an examination, that doesn’t mean the doctor is allowed to give him a b settle the matter personally. Even in Sweden. Heck, you probably shouldn’t even be giving prostate exams until at least the third date! I mean, do you want the AMA to be spreading rumors about you?

For those about to rock, we salute you

A Swedish rockstar tried to have his imported booze come tax-free. Why, you ask? Because according to his sweetest freaking attempt ever logic, rockstars drink more because of their “profession,” and as such, should be able to write off booze from their taxes.

“I … drink a great deal more than the average Swede. I’m a singer in a rock band and whiskey is a part of it.”

Editorial note: Even I could’ve told him this, I’m a bartender and this type of stuff doesn’t even work for me.

The sea is teeming with lethal life

We’ve been covering the dangers of the ocean a lot lately, but there seems to be more happening this time of year in the warmer seas and the cold depths, where animals are designed to withstand such harsh climate.

On this front, we have some shocking news to report: killer jellyfish are real and they seem to be breeding like rabbits. Yes, these things are not only weird looking, they can also kill you with a single sting and they happen to be having something of a baby boom. They are no doubt massing for an all-out assault on our shores. Just remember this: they can’t hurt you on land.

However, animals are not the only ones making moves in the war at sea. Swedish scientists are planning to launch 60 fish in a rocket from Antarctica. It’s nice to see the Swedes finally join us in our fight, and making an entrance with marked creativity. Sure, the scientists say it’s an experiment to figure out motion sickness, but we know better. It’s called sending a message.