An itsby-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polkadot blasphemy

Conservative Hindus took to the streets and courthouses to protest an Australian fashion designer’s new bikini. They are flag-burningly upset that designer Lisa Blue used an image of Laxmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth, on crotch and boob patches. And, they are also upset at The Hindustan Times for allowing them to be outraged by showing the pictures that got them aflutter in the first place.

Now, if only our religious conservatives here in the U.S. would raise the same ruckus against flag and Jesus shirts every time they were aired on Fox News.

Ask Dr. Snee: A weighty issue

Dear Dr. Snee,

I hate summer. I hate buying swimsuits. What can I do to lose some weight in a matter of weeks?

–Newark, NJ

You know, I’ve received a few of these letters recently, and not just from women. Thanks to feminism, more women are working hard in Hollywood to pass their neuroses onto men.

As a doctor with no endorsements (WTF?!), let me first say that fad diets are a hoax. They don’t work. If they do work, they don’t work properly. They’re all temporary diets, so you’ll go back to eating from the horse trough just as you did before, gaining back all the weight and then some.

I subscribe a variety of techniques to my patients depending on their personality and degree of obesity. Feel free to try any of these and then call me the morning after you become hot. Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: A weighty issue

Swimsuits so good it isn’t fair

No, that’s not the latest tagline from the Jenny Craig clothing subsidiary, nor is that the latest line from Paris Hilton. That, my friends, describes the latest swimsuit as developed by Speedo for the United States men’s Olympic swimming team. But wait, there’s a-controversy-in’ afoot!

Yes, the phrase “technological doping” has been floated out there by people who would like to see swimsuits this good outlawed. I’m not kidding (Romania, I’m looking at you). 44 records have been broken in 4 months by people wearing these suits, though that isn’t in 44 different events. The backstroke record, for example, has been broken 3 times this week in the Olympic trials.

Now, honestly, there’s a very simple solution to this problem if other countries are going to be whiners about this, and best of all, the Greeks already beat us to it-swim naked. I’m being dead serious. With a situation like that, it’s the only kind of alternative that makes sense. If you require “technology” like a certain type of clothing to be worn to compete, then you need to allow for whatever kind of clothing people want to use within your set rules. If a really awesome swimsuit can be made within the rules, then tough. It’s allowed. You can’t just start making exceptions.

U-S-A, U-S-A!