Woman wrestles shark, throws it back in sea

Australia is known to have a fair amount of sharks off its coast. In response, Aussies have build a series of ocean pools, which allow them to enjoy seawater, without all the fun stuff like waves, filtration and freedom from shark attacks. But when human territory is invaded, animals must be put in their place.

In an ocean pool in Sydney, people sat along the side of the pool watching a shark swim around. Finally, Melissa Hatheier stolled over to the shark, picked it up, and threw it back into the ocean. Her daring move saved the day for all, and was captured on video. She is now being hailed as a hero, as well she should be.

Let’s remember that in Australia, pretty much everything is trying to kill you, so the people there are just heartier than you’d find anywhere else. Especially the women, it seems.

Greatest weapon against thieves is not safety, but chili

If you haven’t figured out by now, people in Australia might be made of more sterner stuff than you and the Guys. In retrospect, that’s probably a given when your country’s origin involves crime and penal colonies.

As such, everything’s stepped up a bit. Their venomous snakes are more lethal than the rest of the world’s. Their jellyfish are much more deadlier than all the others. Their version of the black widow spider is larger, more aggressive and more venomous than the ones found outside of their land. Even their beer containers have stepped up, as they come in cans more akin to oil containers than our miniscule cans and bottles.

And crime prevention? Well, their method for that is just that much more badass. When robberies are about to take place, people stop crime in its tracks with chili.

Not only does Aussie crime pay, but it scalds your tongue.

This is the best headline you will ever see

I might be prone to hyperbole, and yes, this story is extremely hyperbolic.

BUT: I guarantee you, this is the single greatest story you will ever see. Just a warning though, as the results are pretty much exactly as you think they are.  And yet, it does not disappoint.

Boars, thrills in Germany

Slices of a boar that went buck-wild in a Hoehr-Grenzhausen butcher shop are up for sale. The boar pushed through the door of the shop, scared away a customer and inflicted 5000 Euros-worth of damage before having the bad form to bleed all over the floor.

As if that weren’t enough, Munich’s train station had a naked Australian infestation. The Sydney Streaker was foiled by a wet floor and slipped even though the stick figure on the caution sign was also not wearing any clothes. It just shows that you can’t dress up stupid.

Their teamwork will be the end of us

A fire set in a house? Bad.

A fire set in a house to rid the world of cats? Great.

A dog going in to save a litter of kittens? Good. He might do our job for us.

The dog saving the kittens and still being alive, thus adding more soldiers to their side? Not so good.

The Bird Woman of Alcatraz, she ain’t

Ladies and gentlemen of the world, royal Nigerian princes of the internet, I’m going to let you in on a very big secret. Despite being the film reviewer of SeriouslyGuys and an overall big fan of cinema, there’s something you should know: movies lie. Oh yes, they lie a lot. I mean, does anyone believe that Denise Richards would actually be a nuclear physicist? No one thinks that 7-year-old would be able to elaborately set up a series of traps around his house in order to foil two burglars. And for that matter, how could all movies starring ninjas NOT cast Sho Kosugi as said role?

Another lie, as was demonstrated, is escaping from anywhere via an air-vent. NO. No one could make their way out of a building by airduct simply because air ducts are smaller than you. This was so nicely evidenced recently when a 22-year-old Austrailian woman attempted to flee from a jailhouse by that always present office staple. Having watched cartoons and movies all her life, it should have been a clean getaway with no one the wiser, right?

Wrong. Said lass proceeded to get stuck in the air conditioning duct-for an hour-and now has an extra charge added to her rap sheet. Smart move, Sheila. Next time, try something a little smarter, like the front door.