This is the best headline you will ever see

I might be prone to hyperbole, and yes, this story is extremely hyperbolic.

BUT: I guarantee you, this is the single greatest story you will ever see. Just a warning though, as the results are pretty much exactly as you think they are.  And yet, it does not disappoint.

Boars, thrills in Germany

Slices of a boar that went buck-wild in a Hoehr-Grenzhausen butcher shop are up for sale. The boar pushed through the door of the shop, scared away a customer and inflicted 5000 Euros-worth of damage before having the bad form to bleed all over the floor.

As if that weren’t enough, Munich’s train station had a naked Australian infestation. The Sydney Streaker was foiled by a wet floor and slipped even though the stick figure on the caution sign was also not wearing any clothes. It just shows that you can’t dress up stupid.

Their teamwork will be the end of us

A fire set in a house? Bad.

A fire set in a house to rid the world of cats? Great.

A dog going in to save a litter of kittens? Good. He might do our job for us.

The dog saving the kittens and still being alive, thus adding more soldiers to their side? Not so good.

The Bird Woman of Alcatraz, she ain’t

Ladies and gentlemen of the world, royal Nigerian princes of the internet, I’m going to let you in on a very big secret. Despite being the film reviewer of SeriouslyGuys and an overall big fan of cinema, there’s something you should know: movies lie. Oh yes, they lie a lot. I mean, does anyone believe that Denise Richards would actually be a nuclear physicist? No one thinks that 7-year-old would be able to elaborately set up a series of traps around his house in order to foil two burglars. And for that matter, how could all movies starring ninjas NOT cast Sho Kosugi as said role?

Another lie, as was demonstrated, is escaping from anywhere via an air-vent. NO. No one could make their way out of a building by airduct simply because air ducts are smaller than you. This was so nicely evidenced recently when a 22-year-old Austrailian woman attempted to flee from a jailhouse by that always present office staple. Having watched cartoons and movies all her life, it should have been a clean getaway with no one the wiser, right?

Wrong. Said lass proceeded to get stuck in the air conditioning duct-for an hour-and now has an extra charge added to her rap sheet. Smart move, Sheila. Next time, try something a little smarter, like the front door.