Kill your family (before they kill yourself)

Is your family around?

Don’t answer out loud! Blink once for, “No,” and twice for, “You can’t read my thoughts through the Internet.”

OK, good. Did you know that suicide might run in families? After yesterday’s news of Sylvia Plath’s son’s suicide, the experts are starting to believe this is the case.

The problem is that you don’t know when a relative might kill themselves … just to kill you. You didn’t think about that, did you?

Why, even now, your mother might be driving her car off of a cliff, just so you’ll hang yourself in the coat closet later. (Instead of leaving yourself on the floor. Seriously, at least use the hamper; that’s what it’s for.)

The Guys aren’t saying that killing your family is the only way to prevent your possible suicide … but we’re not saying your family won’t kill themselves to kill yourself, either.

For more information, consult our handy guide, “How To: Kill your parents.”