He should’ve ordered a chalupa

Hey, travelers, if you’re going to be out of town, make sure you have the proper form of identification, not identi-food-cation.

*Fun Fact:
Most places in the United States of America require two forms of state-issued government identification. Examples are a Driver’s License, a Learner’s Permit, a Picture ID or a chalupa. Ranch chalupas, however, are not acceptable.

Nothing a little Chipotlaway won’t cure

A Bexar County, Texas,  jail guard was convicted of smuggling a saw blade to an inmate by hiding it in a taco. A surprise inspection of now-convicted double murderer Jacob Keller’s cell turned up a hacksaw blade, a rope, and a prison jumpsuit dyed to look like civilian clothes.

The guard, Alfred Casas, however maintains his innocence, and in his defense, Keller did not escape. So, how did the blade end up in a taco?

  • Fire sauce just doesn’t cut it, butt pain-wise, once you’ve had prison sex.
  • It could have been from Taco Bell, which are filled with 100 percent beef and 100 percent stainless steel saw blades.
  • Casas’ wife may have been trying to slowly kill him, but ran out of arsenic for that day’s lunch.
  • How else was Keller supposed to get the sapling he swallowed out?

Woman getting hit in the face with taco not nearly as sexy as you might think

There are days when the news is good and there are days when the news is good. I’m hoping that this might fall into the latter for you all.

A young man from Deltona is currently sitting in jail after police say he assaulted his mother with a taco. According to reports, 54-year-old Dena Moir turned her 19-year-old son’s Xbox 360 off, and he threw the Mexican snack in her face, making sure to also call her, and I quote,

“a retard.”

But wait-there’s more.

According to police, the trouble started when young Zachery refused to come downstairs for dinner, despite being called a number of times. In an act of brave discipline, Dena marched upstairs and turned the Xbox off, only for Zachery to shove her angrily and order her out of the room.

A little later, Dena was cleaning the kitchen when her son came down to eat. Deciding she was in the way, Zach pushed his mother again, before smacking her on the arm and throwing the Mexi-missile with vengeance. This is also when he called her, and I quote again,

“a retard.”

Zachery Moir is now being held without bail at Volusia County Branch Jail, on charges of domestic violence battery. As he should be. Not only that, but Mom won’t take jailhouse phone calls from her alleged Xbox taco assailant son.

The moral of the story: if you act like a douchebag, you’ll get what you deserve. Hopefully.