Zombie strippers? Try ghost helper strippers

According to the Associated Press, men, women, and children attend folk religion ceremonies that takes place in Taiwan strip club traveling cars. These ceremonies involves pole dancing and lighted stages. Showgirls like 18 year old En En are hired to appear at festivals as well as at weddings and funerals, all to appease the dead via their alluring dancing.

I have never written such a string of sentences before.

Pole-dancing, singing, and flashing lights are the norm at these performances, despite stripping fully nude being a criminal offense in Taiwan. Partial stripping does happen, because that’s not against the law. Of course, it makes us wonder which level of partial stripping appeases the spirits most?

It’s expensive because the air is fresher

In Spaceballs, Mel Brooks huffs canned air. Like, straight-up huffs, as if it’s a brown paper bag filled with spray-paint or glue. The movie features a made up brand. Who would’ve guessed that the product would eventually become a reality?

In China, billionaire and philanthropist Chen Guangbiao launched his line of canned air. Each can of “Good Person Chen Guangbiao” (a trademark name that can’t be anything than fantastic) canned air is priced at the equivalent of 80 cents (American) and contains fresh air from Wuhe county in Anhui province and Taiwan.

Which means absolutely nothing to me. Should it? I have no idea. Write in and tell me if and why it should. The first person who does gets nothing.

Hello Overload

Good news for Bryan Schools: Taiwan-based airline EVA Air will be rolling out Hello Kitty based flights for the Taipei market. From the outside in, everything is Hello Kitty, from the baggage tags to the headrests to special meals. You can even get Hello Kitty pasta from the stewardess, who will of course be in a Hello Kitty apron.

I feel diabetic.

Now these flights are not going everywhere in the world. You can see the basic schedule of flights below.

Magic Jet flies Taipei-Sapporo (BR116/115) daily and Taipei-Guam (BR20/19) on Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Apple Jet flies Taipei-Fukuoka (BR2106/2105) every Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday; Taipei-Seoul (BR160/159) daily.
Global Jet flies Taipei-Hong Kong (BR857/858) and Taipei-Tokyo (BR2189/2197) daily.

This isn’t the first time that EVA air has done this. They introduced the Hello Kitty themed planes back in 2005, but they had to stop the flights in 2009 because the contract expired. Either way, your (and Bryan Schools’) Hello Kitty dream flight is back and ready to board. Now if you will excuse us, we have to take the incredibly cute airsick bag and go throw up some rainbows.

That is not a euphemism.

GAY MARRIAGE FOR ALL

…people who play Runes of Magic and want to be gay-married.

Taiwanese MMORPG Runes of Magic has an update coming that allows players to get married and become “connected” with each other. That’s probably like poking on Facebook (remember that feature? You used it a grand total of no times). The big news, however, is that that Runewaker Entertainment’s game is going to be more progressive than most states in the United States-allowing same-sex marriage all across the board.

“You will be married and somehow connected to the other player,” explains Western publisher Frogster. “Of course you can only be married with one person at the same time. It’s even possible to have gay couples, so no need to just have a male and female character. Two male characters and two female characters can marry each other.”

Isn’t that quaint and pleasant? I eagerly look forward to the jump to conclusion met by some repulsive Congressman or Billy Graham about how acts like these are corrupting the youth. They tend to make my day.

Snakes in a Toilet

The can is the one place where a man can really be alone. There, he can think, pick his nose, or eat his lunch, all while doing his business. But this site of tranquility also is open to attack.

A Taiwanese man had just such a nightmare happen to him. According to the China Times, the man sat down on the john and then felt a knife-like pain in his junk. There was a snake in the toilet bowl waiting to strike. The worst part about this is that it the attack hit his manly manly part. We all have nightmares about that. Good luck pooping today.

Death of a Sales Pimp

Taiwan sheds many, many tears today as the country sees the closure of its last legal brothel. Of course, it could be said that The Guys suppose that¬† 87-year old pimp probably earned his retirement–even if he’s spending it in the grave. Meanwhile, if anyone has openings for its other two employees, we’d sure they like to know. It’s hard for middle-aged sex workers to find decent work these days. Heck, in this economy, it’s hard for anyone to get a job.

Does this luxury automobile smell funny to you?

A young Taiwanese man was arrested for stealing the heat sensor from a urinal. He planned to use the sensor to modify existing sensors in his Mercedes-Benz.

When he explained his plan to the arresting officers, they laughingly replied, “The probability of successfully using a sensor from a public urinal to replace special factory-made sensors was and remains zero.”

This story raises two concerns:

1) The Taiwanese apparently drive Mercedeses? Mercedi? nicer cars than The Guys could ever hope to own.

2) The Taiwanese police are scary smart–like, 80s crimefighing sitcom smart.