Science can make drinks out o’ thin air

Livin’ the dream.

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day, ye swabs! By now ye should know about this high holiday, and if ye don’t, ye can figure out how to celebrate. Let us talk about a new way to make booze while cleanin’ up the air.

Scientists agree that climate change is real, and fer we pirates, that means fewer islands to pillage because of rising sea levels, and stronger hurricanes that could sink us. But now we might be able to take carbon emissions out o’ the air and put them to good use: getting us drunk. Ph.D student Ming Ma has devised a way to take carbon emissions captured from smokestacks and turn them into a variety of chemicals, especially ethanol. Ye may know ethanol as a fancy word fer grog.

We can make alcohol from the air. What a glorious time to be a pirate.

Pirate unfairly seen as a threat at school

People are discriminated against every day simply because they dress like a pirate. Last week was not an isolated incident.

On Talk Like a Pirate Day, a North Carolina elementary school staff member dressed as a pirate, probably because he’s a method actor. It wasn’t long before police were called because of a “suspicious person,” and the school was put on lock down. Someone saw the staff member as a threat simply because he chose to dress like a pirate.

The struggle is real.

Different kind o’ fire pit

Ahoy there, mateys! Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day. The Guys will be postin’ accordin’ly, lest ye think we all had strokes overnight.

We love when the media be causin’ a panic an’ jumpin’ to conclusions. Remember “the knockout game” that wasn’t really a thing? We’re hopin’ the next craze be the armpit fire game.

Five teenagers in Idaho were injured in a crash when someone set the driver o’ the SUV’s armpit hair ablaze. It not be hard to imagine the panic when the captain o’ the land ship felt a burnin’. The local authorities charged the driver and the teen with the lighter.

Take it from Snee: Your reminder that tomorrow is Talk Like A Pirate Day

Do ye have th' guts to raise ye colors in th' workplace?
Do ye have th’ guts to raise ye colors in th’ workplace?

If it’s still Wednesday and you’re reading this, then tomorrow (Thursday) is Talk Like A Pirate Day. If it’s Thursday morning, then it’s not too late to pretend you swallowed a bug or had a stroke and start celebrating post-haste.

The Guys have a long history with TLAPD. In fact, one of us may secretly even be a ghost pirate! (It’s Chugs. The ghost pirate guy is Chugs.)

It’s because of this intimacy with what may very well be our favorite holiday — yes, even more so than Slutoween — that gives us pause this year. What if TLAPD happens, and nobody talks like a pirate?  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Your reminder that tomorrow is Talk Like A Pirate Day

Raising an arrrrmy

Exactly one week ago it was Talk Like A Pirate Day, but there are people in the Africa who don’t know that. In fact, they think they are real pirates. While this blog stays away from modern day piratey stuff (something about taking and killing hostages), this be–er, is a little different.

Pirates off the coast of Somalia have taken control of a Ukrainian ship carrying T-72 tanks. This means that not only do these pirates have another ship on which to hide their plunder, now they can go ashore and lay siege to the rich towns that line the eastern coast of Africa.

This is most confusing news. We know that pirates operate at sea, but can come ashore to raid towns. However, pirates don’t ride in tanks, armor divisions do. Should they make landfall, what do we call this band of swashbucklers? An army? Mauraders? Pirates in tanks?

Ye Missed It: Impending economic doom edition

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day to ye. It seems the changin’ o’ the seasons be gettin’ me down. Not in the “alas, summer be over” sense, but in the “I have a huge cold all of a sudden” sense. But yer intrepid blogger sniffles on. Pity me. In any case, if ye were busy finding kittens in yer wall, odds are ye missed it.

So, did Wall Street get hammered this time?
Lehman Brothers got bought out, AIG got saved by a big ol’ government loan of countless doubloons, and there may not be an end in sight. Critics be callin’ this the worst economy since the 1930s, and it be comin’ to a town near ye. Fear not, yer money be safe up to $100,000. And worry ye not, SG has its money stored totally legally in the First National Bank of Grand Cayman. We’re settin’ sail soon to make a deposit!

Pirates o’ the Bering Sea
Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin’s private e-mail was hacked into and posted online, shockin’ many, who found that she a) hates the press that be in Alaska, b) has pictures of her children and c) likes conductin’ official business on a private e-mail account that probably be illegal in the state o’ Alaska. Naturally, this invasion o’ privacy has angered Republicans and Fox News reporters alike. Invasion o’ privacy is only good when it happens t’ ordinary people.

Seinfeld-Kramer reunion axed
Have ye seen the new Microsoft ads with Bill Gates and Jerry Seinfeld? Well ye shouldn’t get used t’ them. They have dispatch with the ads, which featured Gates and Seinfeld meetin’ at a shoe store, then tryin’ to live ordinary lives. No one was laughin’, because Microsoft seems t’ be about as cool as it is funny. They ought t’ keelhaul whoever rolled out those ads. The ads will be replaced with the new “I am a PC” commercials, which may or may not have been cut on a Mac–seriously.

Take yer booty elsewhere, strumpet

Swabs, we be engaged in a great battle, as ye know. But on days like Talk Like A Pirate Day, it be easy forget. This blog remains every vigilant because we need to. Let there be no clearer proof than this that we need to keep the long nines loaded at all times. Our foe be trickier than we think.

Now, they want us t’fund ’em with their crappy art. Paintin’s by animals in South Carolina be’ sellin’ fer over $500 (roughly 600 pieces o’eight). All they want is our money, and they think we be dull enough t’buy some scribbles any toddler could draw.

I say nay, we shall not be spendin’ our hard stolen money helpin’ the enemy’s fight. We shall spend it on rum, instead!