Eat My Sports: Time to eat my medicine

So we’re officially past the halfway mark of the MLB season, to those of you who pay attention, it’s been a blur hasn’t it? We started this whole shebang back in April, and back then I also made some pretty big predictions, so let’s take a look at how much I actually know by grading my predictions from the Spring.

NL East
Predicted Winner: Atlanta Braves
Current Leader: Philadelphia Phillies
OK, so right now the above .500 Braves are six and a half games back of Philadelphia. This may sound weird, but out of all the teams in the putrid NL East, the Braves have played the most consistent ball. Philly can’t figure out how to win in Philly and the Mets are … the Mets, can’t change who you are, kid. I’m sticking with Atlanta winning this because of consistency.
Grade: B Continue reading Eat My Sports: Time to eat my medicine

Eat My Sports: You Missed It

Now that it’s over, 2008 was one of the most memorable years for sports. Given that all sports have memories, and until Armageddon we’ll continue to have years, I guess you could say that for any year really. But 2008 was special. It brought us Roger Clemens and Plaxico Burress shooting themselves in the ass and leg, respectively. It brought us the second full season of Michael Vick-free football while he was in the dog bighouse. It gave us Scott Boras coming out of his shell as Satan. So in case you were busy growing a beard and dodging US troops in Afghanistan, odds are you missed it.

One Giant catch, one Patriot meltdown
In easily the best Super Bowl of all-time, the heavily favored New England Patriots fell to the mighty underdog New York Giants. Down 14-10 in the fourth quarter, Elisha Manning led a touchdown drive that cemented David Tyree in Super Bowl lore, and resulted in Plaxico Burress thinking gun permits were just polite suggestions. The resulting touchdown led to a 17-14 upset, as well as year-long gripefest from Bryan McBournie and Bill Simmons about how the Patriots had only won three Lombardi Trophies this decade. Continue reading Eat My Sports: You Missed It

The McBournie Minute: We need more bailouts

For the past several weeks, Congress has been handing out money like candy on Halloween. (Technically, it’s been doing this since 1787, but let’s stick to today.) Banks, car manufacturers and the banks again have put on their best costumes and knocked on Congress’ door. Lawmakers have been only too happy to give what the executives want, mostly because they look so cute in their little outfits.

Since the Congressional lottery continues, I have come up with a few other things that are worth of billion-dollar bailouts. Should I ever be called to testify, I would be happy to make my case. Until then, this new device, this series of tubes will have to do. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: We need more bailouts

You Missed It: Insert Vincent Price laugh here edition

It’s really hard to type in costume, my nails keep getting in the way. (Does that mean I’m one of the Girls Next Door or Dracula? You decide.) Welcome to a special Halloween edition of You Missed it. No, there’s nothing really Halloweeny about this week’s edition, but it falls on the second biggest commercial holiday in the U.S. Stay tuned tomorrow for special Dia de los Muertos posts on our sister site, HombresSeriamentes.com. If you were busy being convicted in your corruption trial this week, odds are you missed it.

That bleedin’ wanker oughtn’t be buggerin’ her!
British comedian Russell Brand resigned from his weekend show on BBC Radio this week after a battle or as they say in England, “row,” over one of his latest bits. Brand called actor Andrew Sachs’ home but failed to reach him. Instead, Brand left a series of messages detailing his (fictional) carnal knowledge of Sachs’ 23-year old granddaughter. The bit was deemed “gross” and “offensive.” For those of you keeping score of British humor at home: prank calls = offensive, silly walks and old men chasing after young women in fast motion to music = hilarious.

And now for something completely similar
Can’t get enough of Sen. Barack Obama? Neither can his campaign. This week Obama aired a 30-minute infomercial about his stance on things and showing people who are helping or can be helped. In it, Obama stood talking to the camera in a room that looked like the Oval Office, but with natural looking stain on the wooden window frames, instead of painted white. The title of the special: I Know You Really Want to Watch the Rest of Game 5 of the World Series, But I Need to Burn This Campaign Money. Speaking of which …

You know what’s clever? Spelling ‘F’ words with ‘Ph’
In the longest game in World Series history, Game 5 was concluded more than 48 hours after it began. The Philadelphia Phillies finished off the Tampa Bay Rays. Philadelphia’s football fans are known for their rude and overbearing behavior, luckily, Phillies fans showed restraint in their celebration, setting fires, flipping cars, firing guns into the air and accidentally injuring and/or killing themselves. WOOOOOOOOOO!

Eat My Sports: The 2008 Hurl Series

As a baseball fan, I am ashamed. I’ve squared with the fact that the season for the Red Sox just continues in March (otherwise known for some as “Spring Training”). However, this World Series has just become a joke. The umpires in this year’s edition obviously belong in the minors, Bud Selig is better served as a special PR consultant to Jose Canseco, and the whole state of Florida can eat my sports for this load of crap bandwagon for the Rays.

Last night’s game should NEVER have happened. MLB knew the forecast for Philadelphia waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay before the game even started. But networks run sports these days, and FOX, which is probably ready to shoot themselves over the ratings, needed a potential championship game. Which, being a media guy, I get to some degree. But on my end of things, it’s easy to be a purest/righteous when it has nothing at stake for me. But that’s exactly why I get to complain about it, so deal with it, commies. Continue reading Eat My Sports: The 2008 Hurl Series

You Missed It: Yes, they are legal edition

It’s Friday, which is known in some countries as the end of the work week. Fortunately, it is not the end of the news cycle–there is no end to that. Is everyone else getting sick of election-related stuff yet? We are, and if you’re looking for updates on the election this week, look somewhere else. If you were busy faking an attack on you because you’re a McCain supporter, odds are you missed it.

The games have just begun
Today is a big day for the moving picture industry. In the much anticipated sequel, the stars of Disney’s High School Musical 3: Senior Year are back for yet another choreographed romp through the halls of their school. This time, Troy, Gabriella, Sharpay, Ryan, Chad and Taylor wake up in what appears to be the lair of the notorious Jigsaw. The Wildcats must spring from their elaborate traps and fight to the death in order to survive, but it’s so hard to sing with those metal clamps in your mouth.

Hey, at least we don’t have to listen to cowbells
Sure, our beloved Red Sox may be out of the playoffs, but believe it or not, Major League Baseball still keeps playing anyway. So far, two games have been played in the World Series, and it’s even at a game apiece between the Tampa Bay Rays and the Philadelphia Phillies. The series now heads to the home of the Philadelphia, where if they are anything like their local NFL team counterparts, the fans will harass, heckle and pummel Rays fans all in the name of good fun.

Everybody hates tourists
Richard Garriott, the latest space tourist, returned to Earth safely on Thursday. He is the sixth tourist in space and the first second generation astronaut. Garriot’s father was on Skylab 3. The incredibly rich man paid $30 million for his 10-day stay in space. Upon his safe arrival back to the planet, Garriott said, “It really reminded me of Space Mountain.”

There’s no need to fear, UnderMcCain is here

Apparently John McCain likes being the underdog. He’s fine with being back six percentage points in the latest poll. The self-proclaimed “maverick” (Top Gun should really consider suing) has admitted that he has screwed up previous campaigns when ahead, so being the underdog might give him that extra little push. Ah yes, the rich white guy in the fight of his life, and if he loses … he gets to go back to being a rich, powerful white guy. We’ll just refer to McCain as the “Tampa Bay Rays” of the 2008 election.

The McBournie Minute: Let’s go, Phillies!

I feel like crap right now. There’s a pretty good chance it was my meal last night of cheese fries and chili, washed down with some Mountain Dew and vodka, but for the sake of my argument, let’s go with ALCS Game 7’s results last night as the cause. Bryan Schools will probably have more comprehensive reviews of the game, so let’s just stick with the fans.

I hate Tampa Bay fans. Say whatever you want about the team, those guys proved they’ve got what it takes this season again and again. However, their fans simply do not. For pretty much the entire season, the Rays were in first place in the American League east, yet they couldn’t fill the 36,048 seats at Tropicana Field all season long, save for when the Boston Red Sox were in town. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Let’s go, Phillies!

You Missed It: Bleary-eyed and sore edition

And so the sun begins to set on yet another joy-filled week here at SeriouslyGuys. We don’t know about you, but this week has seemed to be a long one, perhaps that is because we were too busy staying up late drinking for one reason or another. In that spirit, let’s examine what made us stay up late this week. If you were busy uncovering a city of the dead, odds are you missed it.

OK, where the hell did that come from?
Despite wishes of most non-committed MLB fans, TBS, and the weeks-old legion of Tampa Bay Rays fans, the upstarts, or “these young Rays” as the announcers keep calling them for some reason, did not manage to win the American League pennant this week. After winning three games in a row, with the ALCS at 3-1 in favor of Tampa and its Bay saw its seven run lead evaporate in just seven outs (which began in the 7th inning). The Boston Red Sox pulled off the biggest single-game postseason comeback (played in a ballpark in the western hemisphere with winds out of the southwest) since the 1920s, winning 8-7. See you in Game 6 (with more booze).

‘Congratulations, Joe, you’re rich’
You may have thought that Sens. John McCain and Barack Obama were campaigning for your vote. You are wrong. They are actually going for Joe the Plumber’s vote. Joe the Plumber is a nickname the two candidates used in this week’s presidential debate for an average guy, a plumber, making $280,000 a year, who wants to buy his business. You know, a guy just like the rest of us. Joe Sixpack, John Q. Public and Joe Cool were visibly distraught to see they had been cast aside by both candidates.

Oh yeah, there was that other game, too
The Philadelphia Phillies clinched the National League pennant this week, defeating the Los Angeles Dodges (who are not, mind you, of Anaheim). This cause for celebration for Phils fans, because they haven’t been there in like 15 years, which is almost the same as the Cubs’ 100 years. Woooooo! The curse is broken!!!!!!!11 However, Dodgers fans are not as happy, because they have to go back to living in L.A. and acting like that’s a good thing. Manny Ramirez was last seen wandering off, muttering something about potato farming in Idaho.

Tampa Bay hoo-hoo dilly rays

Some fans wear jerseys to support their favorite team, some don caps, some even go far as to tattoo their love on them. The Tampa Bay Rays though? They want to mock Native American heritage by sporting mohawks, and are encouraging their fans to do the same.

But what about the female fans that can’t exactly pull off the punk rock motif at the business office? Well bandwagoners, local businesses are giving women the rayhawk, down under. When reached for comment, the landing strip said it would be seeking advice from it’s attorney.