I don’t want to alarm you all, but there’s something that perhaps you should know.
Earlier on Monday, two postal workers in Tampa complained about the mail (there’s a surprise). After handling the mail, one of the complainers ended up in the hospital, currently in stable condition. Soon, a licorice-esque odor was discovered in a package, the terms nausea and dizziness began being bandied about and the post office was evacuated. Cleeeeeeeeear out.
The employees were later let back in, and the scent is being attributed to a grease leak coming from the aforementioned package. This is clearly a cover up.
Nausea? Dizziness? Licorice odor? This can only mean one thing: the Red Vines are coming for us.