Tag: target

How about Occupy Those Boobs, AMIRITEGIZE?

Finally, a protest we can almost get behind!

A Houston mom decided that she had had enough of being told what to do by Target employees. “Stop running away with those pretzels,” “this line is closed,” “you can’t buy that because we don’t have it in stock,” “put away your fun-bags” and other commands had been sent the way of Michelle Hickman for just too long! Being that we live in a civil society where everyone takes a pragmatic, well thought-out approach to their actions, Hickman did the only rational thing: create a flash mob-style nurse-in at a Target yesterday morning.

“I’ve gotten way more support than I imagined,” Hickman said today outside the Webster store.

Naturally, we assume that’s because she’s wearing a new bra and doesn’t have a kiddo suckling at her teet during the interview.

Theft does not equal store credit

A man in California has been arrested and sentenced to five years in prison. This is not unusual; however, the cause is more idiotic than unusual. What was the cause, one might ask? Well, he stole four women’s purses over the course of two weeks and used that score to buy a number of PlayStation 3 games from a Target in Vista, California. He also bought mobiles, televisions and iPods.

Where it gets stupid, though, is that Rodelio Cataroja, Jr. used the same store to buy the same brand (PlayStation 3) in a total of four transactions.

Whoopsidoodle.

That would have alerted the store’s guard, let alone the cops. I don’t exactly understand on how a guy like him who was intelligent enough to steal credit cards actually made a stupid mistake of making a number of transactions from the same store, but clearly, I’m not a criminal mastermind like Cataroja.

Of course, there’s a fairly large amount of people not in jail that are also not criminal masterminds like Cataroja.

How To: Use a condom

So a certain SeriouslyMom found a condom tied around the door handle of her car in the parking lot of Target in Huntsville, Alabama. It was not a used rubber (which would make it an official scum bag), but just an unpackaged and unfurled lubricated windsock.

Perplexed by this happenstance, she consulted with the most qualified behavioral experts she knew: The Guys. After ruling out gang activity, satanic worship and swim team hazing, we determined it to be a, well, crime we guess of ignorance.

You see, Alabama is a red state. Even the clay here is red (and goopy). While the stores obviously sell condoms, teenagers aren’t taught how to use them, so the items are a bit of a mystery to them. (“Why are those balloons behind the counter?”)

With this in mind, we are taking a little time out of our busy “gettin’ busy” schedules to teach them, and anyone else living in 1958, how to use a condom. Continue reading How To: Use a condom