Raise alert to ELFCON One or Five (whichever’s highest)

As you are probably aware, the North American Aerospace Defense Command tracks Santa’s movements on Christmas Eve. But, haven’t you ever wondered why?

According to NORAD’s Web site:

“On Dec. 24, 1955, a call was made to the Continental Air Defense Command (CONAD) Operations Center in Colorado Springs, Colo. […] It was from a girl in Colorado Springs who was following the directions in an advertisement printed in the local paper – she wanted to know the whereabouts of Santa Claus. […] However, the number was printed incorrectly in the advertisement and rang into the CONAD operations center.

“[…] Colonel Shoup received numerous calls that night and rather than hanging up, he had his operators find the location of Santa Claus and reported it to every child who phoned in that night.”

That’s a nice story. But, we all know the government doesn’t care about children. That’s why they hide Easter eggs in the lawn instead of handing them out.

No, this is just to keep tabs on magic people. We’re watching you, Santa. And don’t think we won’t notice if you drop off any “gifts” to Pyongyang or Tehran.

(Via Brand X and Wikipedia.)