Tag: testes

If pandas can’t get laid, what chance do we got?

After years of trying to get pandas to get it on in captivity to mixed results, researchers believe they’ve found the problem: female panda bears are only in the mood one to three days a year.

To cope, male pandas’ testes go into hibernation until the four month mating period. At that point, they go sex nuts and, in the wild, traverse over great distances to hopefully reach a female before she changes her mind. The male can then instantly sense if she’s consenting, and, if she’s not, will hold off advances until he gets a “yes.”

If The Guys could offer a suggestion to the male, it might not be that she’s not into sex, but just disappointed in what showed up. (You, for instance.) Sometimes, you have to woo a lady, show that while you may not be a strapping grizzly she normally goes for, you’ve got qualities that she never knew she wanted. Also, nobody ever went wrong with Al Green.

Testy teens go nuts over balls

And to round out the week of alarming, destructive teenager behavior, here’s a new fad recently uncovered by hip reporters and an even hipper pediatric urologist: “sack tapping.”

Yes, sack tapping or–in places where they call soda “pop”–ball tapping: the testosterone-reducing game of slapping and flicking the testicles of others.

Urologists are noticing more and more ruptured and outright crushed testicles bouncing lifelessly into their exam rooms. They’re now trying to educate young men, warning them that the injuries sustained during the game often result in amputation and even Hitler.

So, as the article asks, “Why [the f#@king s&$t] would boys do that to each other?” Funny you should ask, because University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research might have the answer.