You Missed It: Harsh environment edition

Make America Grey Again.

There are things about our society I will never understand, such as mustaches, lattes and Civil War reenactors. But above all else, I do not understand the annual appeal of the Scripps National Spelling Bee. It’s great that it’s the one time America cares about the education of its youth, but why does anyone watch it? It’s like sitting through a school band concert and you don’t even have a kid at that school. If you lost your job because of thin-skinned bullies this week, odds are you missed it.

Paris je déteste
This week, President Donald Trump announced that he will begin the process of pulling the U.S. out of the landmark Paris climate agreement. For some reason, people were surprised by this. Folks, this is the guy who argued that it wasn’t raining during his inauguration, when you could clearly see rain drops, umbrellas, and George W. Bush getting confused by a poncho. Of course he’s going to deny climate change. Pretty soon he’ll be arguing that the sky’s not grey.

Sleeping Tiger
Police in Florida arrested Tiger Woods earlier this week after he was found sleeping at the wheel of his car which was pulled over on the side of the road. Reports indicate that alcohol was not involved, but rather his incoherent state was the result of a reaction to his prescription medication. Floridians were outraged that Woods was arrested, arguing that every driver in Florida is messed up on drugs.

Mr. Met thrown out
The New York Mets fired the actor playing Mr. Met, after video surfaced of the large baseball-headed anthropomorphic figure was seen flipping the bird at hecklers. So that ought to get that ball club back on track.

Good thing the NFL kept cameras out of the bathroom

Even though the NFL kept its promise to keep Madonna dressed, the Parents Television Council is up-in-arms because of a bird. NBC censored British singer M.I.A.’s international diplomacy — you know, the finger? — but, it was a half-second too late for the steely gaze of the PTC, who can spot a nipple through a metal doily from a wide-out crane shot.

The PTC had no problem with the rest of Madonna’s show where she outgayed the gayest gay that ever gayed. Clearly, this is both a victory for and challenge to the gay community if they can’t offend America’s scrappiest PTA anymore.