Someone get Matt Dillion on the horn!

The blob is here! Run away!

A mysterious goo emerged out of an erupting geyser in Seattle last Thursday. What did it do then? Oh, nothing much more than inch and bubble its way up a street. Citizens were smartly kept away from the mess, and authorities, after taking a gas reading indicating it wasn’t explosive, concluded that it’s nothing more than soap, water and dirt, created from construction in the tunnel underneath.

You know, that’s interesting and all, but tell me this: did anybody in the immediate area notice an odd disappearance of fire extinguishers and apple seeds? Also, isn’t it always convenient how transients and hobos are always just going missing?

Don’t feed me a bunch of malarkey! What Seattle saw was a carefully orchestrated attack taken by either a meteorite or Cobra! Our only hope now is either the rough and tumble ne’er do wells that are already suspected of vicious attacks or a fast-talking ace pilot.