Tag: the onion

The McBournie Minute: I demand an apology

I apologize in advance if I offend any of you with the views, opinions or jokes in this column offend you. Actually, I don’t apologize. I just ask you to grow up.

We had another award show last night, and with it, the calls for apologies over something that was said or some perceived slight turned into hyped-up beef. The Oscars last night, hosted by Seth MacFarlane, got mixed reviews. There were good performances and bad ones, there were jokes that soared, and jokes that flopped. And William Shatner reminded us how old he is by putting on the Star Trek duds and making a cameo as Captain James T Kirk.

It was a good skit, but I don’t like being reminded how old Shatner is. I demand an apology! Continue reading The McBournie Minute: I demand an apology

Kim Jong Un makes Snee’s Enemies List

Snee’s Enemy Number Un, riding a meal for twenty. (He’s not even that handsome, you guys.)

Two weeks ago, Rick Snee revealed his enemies list that he has been building since 1985 when People magazine started selecting a Sexiest Man Alive every year and has somehow consistently passed him over. He has not, however, put the editors of People on that list in hopes that they will one day stop being distracted by flashes in the pan like George Clooney and Johnny Depp.

And now, for the first time ever, there is a second entry within the year on his enemies list. The Onion named North Korean despot, Kim Jong Un, their Sexiest Man Alive, but they don’t count because they keep interviewing the same three people for their man-on-the-street interviews — like we wouldn’t notice! But, when the announcement made it into one of China’s official newspapers, People’s Daily Online (which sounds awfully close to People), that was close enough for impotent, wrathful listmaking.

Congratulations, Kim Jong Un! Your certificate of Rick Snee’s scorn is on its way, even if it is based on a technicality.

Take it from Snee: Online personals decoded

They’re lurking in the corner of every Web site that congratulates you on your politics, art tastes and sense of humor: personal ads. They’re usually in a sidebar, with a close-up headshot on someone (the better to hide your fat with) and a clever quote, like “Environmentalism is sexy, originality is sexier.”

When did Web mags like Salon or The Onion become meatmarkets? I submit they always have, at least in the comments sections. Likeminded individuals textually fellate the authors, the posters that agree with them and themselves for being so gosh-golly smart to the point that my monitor looks like a used bench press.

So with the click of the ad, you, too, can meet someone who finds Jimmy Fallon unfunny, yet physically likeable. Unfortunately, 300,000 users can’t all date Mel_Odius, so you’re gonna have to sort through a lot of cryptic loser profiles. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Online personals decoded

We’re not laughing, ‘Onion’

Look, before we get into it, let’s just say we like The Onion. We think it’s adorable that they make up news to joke about. Very creative, boys.

That said: did you think we wouldn’t notice? It was a nice try, putting it in your print edition. You know The Guys are way too awesome to sit in coffee shops and read ratty little newsletters.

(Not that we’re implying your print edition is ratty. We’re sure it’s much more distinguished than that local fanzine about marijuana-oriented jam bands from Kinko’s.)

And we quote from our site two weeks ago:

“So I caught a few previews for Austin Powers 4: The Love Guru and noticed Jessica Alba is in it.”

That’s the very first sentence in “Take it from Snee: Jessica Alba kinda sucks.”