For eons, the Sun has provided free energy, light, and warmth to Earth, and all for free. What a capitalistic waste. But now, no longer!
Angeles Duran, a woman from the Spanish region of Galicia, is the new proud owner of the Sun. She says she got the idea in September when she read about an American man registering his ownership of the Moon and most of the planets in the Solar System. She says that she has every right do this within international law, which only forbids countries from claiming planets or stars, not individuals:
“There was no snag, I backed my claim legally, I am not stupid, I know the law. I did it but anyone else could have done it, it simply occurred to me first.”
She says she will begin charging people for the use of the Sun. The price she paid? Approximately a measly 5 gazillion moonbucks.
Dear Mister President Sir Obama: please do not exterminalate NASA yet. We may very well need them sooner than we think.
Reportedly, pond scum has been found on Mars. Pond scum, the building blocks of life (okay, not really), was discovered on a secret mission to the red planet. A secret mission. What does this mean?
ALIENS ARE ATTEMPTING TO TAKE OVER OUR WATER SUPPLY. Do not be surprised if we eventually hear an announcement stating “IM IN UR DAM KILLING ALL UR AMOEBAS.”
Now, obviously, since the origin of this is a tabloid, it’s advised to take this news with a heaping helping of salt. Just make sure to save some so that we can dry out the pond scum alienoids. It could be our only way to fight back.
The headline? Love it.
The byline? Love it.
The credible source? Love it.
The source of the story? Love it.
Why do I love it? Because, according to the story, UFO experts tell us that aliens are attacking our sheep. I’d repeat that sentence, but, well, sometimes the proof is just in the pudding.
Ever since Christopher Nolan announced that he would make another Batman movie, the rumor mill has wondered who the villain(s) will be and–more importantly–who will be cast and naysayed until they die.
Today’s rumor comes from MTV UK, and it presents Megan Fox as the possible new Catwoman.
Comparing this version of Catwoman to previous ones, The Sun (a trustworthy source, indeed) said that Fox plans to make the character “more sinister,” having “a darker edge” and “not being able to act her way into a nude scene.”