Just because Troy says he’s so rich that he has his own personal ATM, it doesn’t actually mean that he is. Trust us, he’s probably still paying off that excavator he owns.
Nutella may originate from Italy and be a giant hit in Australia, but Germany really seems to like Nutella. We mean REALLY like Nutella. How much do they like it? Enough to justify stealing five tons of it.
That said, five tons of Nutella — 10,000 pounds of the stuff — is only worth approximately 16,000 Euros. So who’s suffered the bigger lost, Germany for losing out on five tons of the spread, or the thieves for running off with a giant trailer filled with only 16 grand worth of product?
It ain’t easy being a criminal out there these days. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, or at least, a man-eat-chicken wing world, but with chicken wing prices rising (I know, I shed tear for that news too), soon we’ll have content ourselves by eating just the chicken feet (which are surprisingly tasty, unless you’re my mom and we’re in Chinatown).
Atlanta, Georgia, saw its own horror rise up, as two men stole 65 thousand dollars worth of Tyson chicken wings right from a cold storage facility. The pair were captured, but the location of the wings remains unknown. Also unknown is why they took the snack food. Were they throwing a party? Opening a restaurant? Trying to create an artificial shortage of chicken wings in the Atlanta area? The world may never know.
The Guys couldn’t possibly imagine what 65 thousand dollars worth of chicken wings looks like. Heaven? Hell? Death? Probably yes to all three.
Certifiable scientific proof: you won’t find a better headline today. Guaranteed.
Thieves! Stealers! Potential hoarders! All of these words describe the culprits behind a theft in SeaTac where 7000 Wii consoles were stolen from a warehouse. Seven thousand! That’s enough to create your own artificial shortage of the consoles and be very effective about it…if it were the year 2006 again. Nintendo created their own artificial shortage of the console during the entire first year that the Wii was out.
Now, in the year 2012, a Wii console can be purchased for between 120 and 130 dollars. So, have fun sitting on that giant number of Wii units, guys!
80,000 pounds of walnuts were stolen in the last two weeks from Tehama County in California. Who would do such a thing? Who … or what?
Two nut companies that bought approximately 40,000 pounds of walnuts each from a company in California have reported the shipments stolen. Police have deemed a delivery driver of the Russian accent variety as a possible suspect. But come on. Selling walnuts on the black market? That’s just dumb, even if the Russian mob creates an artificial shortage to do so.
Oh sure, it turns out that the man who picked up the nuts wasn’t the guy who was supposed to do so at all. Regardless, I suspect that the criminal mind involved in this theft is not of the two legged variety, but of the four legged variety. That’s right squirrels, I’m accusing you of such criminal misconduct!
While I’m not particularly keen on walnuts (I am of the belief that brownies and banana bread are made that much better without them), other humans enjoy them, and that’s all I need to know. Return the nuts, unchanged or bothered, and we may be lenient on you. Maybe.
In what appears to be our unintentionally continuing coverage of the Broward County court system, a young man who was already serving probation for multiple petty theft convictions has been arrested again, this time for stealing the nameplate from a judge’s courtroom door.
Police arrested Steven Mulhall after pictures of him with Broward Circuit Judge Michael Orlando’s courtroom nameplate were found on Facebook following a recent court appearance. He will now face felony charges for the burglary, valued at $40.
We hate to blame the victim here, but how can Broward County expect to rehabilitate a convicted thief if they insist on not fastening their property down with spot welding or crazy glue? If it can hold a construction worker by his helmet, it can change lives, man.
In the world of online gaming, virtual items are just as, if not even more, important as your real-life possessions. People who struggle to get food on their table sometimes struggle even more to get that stupid little panda helper in World of Warcraft (or maybe it’s a dragon? a unicorn?). So when hackers strike, it’s rough times. It’s even rougher when your virtual items are taken from you in real life.
Well fret needlessly no longer, genius of the internet! The Dutch Supreme Court has ruled that forcing a 13-year-old boy to relinquish a virtual mask and amulet in RuneScape, an online game amounted to real-world theft.
The Netherlands’ highest court confirmed Tuesday that a boy who threatened the 13-year-old with a knife to make him drop the objects in the online fantasy game RuneScape was guilty of theft and ordered him to perform 144 hours of community service.
Somehow, I feel like theft should be the least of it, considering that whole “being threatened with a knife” part. But hey, now you nerds have a legal precedent! Also, since the parties involved went to a court, a hygienic precedent wouldn’t be bad either.
A 27-year-old man fought off an armed teenager in a dark parking lot when the would-be robber demanded his copy of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 at gunpoint. This was apparently a selling point not marketed by Activision for the game.
Police say the teenager confronted the gamer in his apartment parking lot about 1 a.m., racking a round in his gun and shouting “Give me the game.” When the gamer told him off, the gunman racked a second round, ejecting the first onto the ground. That’s when the gamer made his move, struggling over the gun until the teen fled. This is a stupid move because a gun is involved. A real gun, not a digital gun.
Police arrested the teen hours later, after discovering him standing in line at the same GameStop where the original copy in question of the game was purchased, waiting to buy his own copy of the game.
Call of Duty: Modern Not Really As Serious As This Situation Dictates.
Spec plot synopsis: Take two ca-raaaaaaaazy lesbian lovers, have them rummage around through the houses of New Jersey, taking anything and everything that they can (including, but not limited to, budget-wise:
Jewelry, video games, cameras, laptops, watches, $22,000 in cash, Euros, pesos, poker chips, $2 bills, toy ponies, toy cars, toilet paper, a .22-caliber revolver, a Sony PlayStation, a Nintendo Wii, knives, autographed baseballs, Crazy Glue, lubricated condoms, a Virgin Mary statue, sneakers, iPods and baby lotion
along with flat-screen TVs and facial creams, but those are a dime a dozen). From there, have these crimes take place even in broad daylight, because who would suspect a broad? Then have the pair attempt to get into Samantha’s house, except … when they open the front door, they’re chased off by a lion (which is actually Darrin thanks to a screw-up).
For those interested, this sounds like a long-lost script from Bewitched or potentially real life.