Tag: theft

Senior citizen discount does NOT equal five finger discount

Jennie T. Gatses, from Homer Glen, Illinois, was caught by security guards at the local Dominick’s stuffing four cans of crab meat and four Wii games in her purse while out with the grandchildren.

While Gatses claimed “she was going to pay for the items once her grandchildren were in the car”, a quick record search showed that she’s been busted for retail theft a number of times previously. So she was promptly busted again.

Some might say that she’s setting a bad example for the kids. On the contrary! She’s clearly showing them that persistence yields succ…no, it’s still failure. Never mind.

Crime be the debbil’s work

The next time that you find yourself arrested for stealing goods of some sort, don’t try to play it off or, for that matter, even accept fault. Blame the devil. It’s clearly the smartest idea.

Jeanne Jones was caught shoplifting in a New Jersey Walmart. Her plan of action? Assault the loss-prevention officer and drive off. Of course, if you do so, you might want to make sure that you don’t leave anything incriminating behind-like your purse.

If do so, you might have to call the store back to see if they’ve found it. Unfortunately, you know who also uses the phone? The police. It’s cool; when they ask why you shoplifted and assault somebody, just say that you were possessed by the devil during that instance. Remember, the best responsibility to take hold of is no responsibility.

Theft does not equal store credit

A man in California has been arrested and sentenced to five years in prison. This is not unusual; however, the cause is more idiotic than unusual. What was the cause, one might ask? Well, he stole four women’s purses over the course of two weeks and used that score to buy a number of PlayStation 3 games from a Target in Vista, California. He also bought mobiles, televisions and iPods.

Where it gets stupid, though, is that Rodelio Cataroja, Jr. used the same store to buy the same brand (PlayStation 3) in a total of four transactions.

Whoopsidoodle.

That would have alerted the store’s guard, let alone the cops. I don’t exactly understand on how a guy like him who was intelligent enough to steal credit cards actually made a stupid mistake of making a number of transactions from the same store, but clearly, I’m not a criminal mastermind like Cataroja.

Of course, there’s a fairly large amount of people not in jail that are also not criminal masterminds like Cataroja.

Wii would like to get robbed

We’re not quite out of this recession stuff yet. As such, we all need some extra money every now and then. A pair of women from Toledo, Ohio thought it would be a good idea to try and sell their Nintendo Wii consoles via Craigslist. Ladies: it is never a good idea to conduct video game business over Craigslist.

For that matter, it’s never a good idea to conduct any business over Craigslist.

In two completely unrelated incidents, one woman was assaulted when a prospective “purchaser” came to her home.

“As I kind of went to close the screen door, he then proceeded to come in,” she said. “He punched me in the face, grabbed the Wii off the end of the table and was gone before I even knew it.”

The other lady’s transaction went by without a hitch. Or so she thought. After the buyer had left with the console, however, the lady noticed they’d paid in counterfeit bills. Double burn!

That’s like 50 dollars in moonbucks

One year in prison and suspension for three years over … 2.5 yen in electricity?

According to the current exchange rate, 2.5 yen is about $.02. Yasumasa Hirai, 46, was busted for stealing that value in electricity from a shared outlet in his apartment building.

That doesn’t sound like much, but the Osaka District Court ruled that this thief failed to pay his electricity bills and was too lazy to work. He didn’t stop nabbing all of that electricity despite being warned by the apartment manager. The apartment manager (and the judge, apparently!) were pissed off because he broke the cover to an outlet in the hallway and ran a cord to use electricity in his apartment.

2.5 yen in electricity. Anybody feel like coming up with a collection fund for the guy?

Catch Me If You Canada

Frank Abignale Jr. is back!

And he’s not even old enough to drink yet. Which, honestly, is still par for the course.

Colton Harris-Moore, a young man just old enough to legally smoke, is suspected of stealing a Cessna 182, flying the plane and then crashing the plane. For someone not enlisted in the Air Force to do that, that’s fairly impressive.

It’s not all bad thoughts, though. Pam Kohler, mother of Colton, has provided us with two hilariously awesome quotes:

“I just wish he would wear a parachute,” Pam Kohler said.

and

“Now every plane that gets stolen is going to be blamed on him,” she said.

Safety and stereotyping. Those are two bastions of every mother’s handbook for caring.

Canada still hasn’t had any real crime yet

On this past Sunday in Southern Ontario, Canada in a small city called Mississauga, a guy (or a few guys) decided they’d like to have some Xbox 360’s–a lot of them, truth told. Around 4:00 in the morning, a truck containing roughly 1,300 of the consoles was stolen from a trailer yard.

The security guard on duty was found bound and stuck under a nearby trailer. We’re pretty sure he’s been fired by now. But probably in a nice way, since it happened in Canada.

The value of the theft? Ballparking figures around US$670,000. Yeah, we were kind of hoping it would be worth more, too.

Check for missing artwork, treasury funds

Isn't that Brad Pitt in the background?President Barack Obama hosted the latest of several questionable guests at the White House Tuesday: Pierce Brosnan. Other guests also include Brad Pitt and George Clooney.

It would be irresponsible to accuse Obama of consorting with known very cool thieves and even moreso to implicate him in the greatest heist in American history.

But, it’s not a threat to national security if we ask it: Is President Obama planning to steal priceless presidential artifacts with movie stars?

Even Charlie Brown’s laughing at you, kid

Because she’s a cool mom, Jody Wykle, of Lake Wales, Fla., gave her son Guitar Hero: On Tour even though he didn’t have a DS, just so she could make the guy squirm while she played clueless. Then, surprise! She handed over the DS – a sealed box, mind you – and when he opened it, things got unintentionally a lot worse.

“When he opened it, he was like, ‘A box of rocks?‘” Wykle told WTSP-TV. “He said, ‘Mom, that ain’t a joke.'”

Indeedy not, especially for a $138 handheld. She went back to Walmart, which gave her the not-our-problem treatment – until Jody called in the media, at which point it very much became their problem. They promptly refunded the DS and shelled out a gift card. Before getting the refund, Wykle bought a second DS, just so her son could have a proper birthday present. “I made them open it while I was there to make sure there was a DS in it,” she told WTSP.

Here’s the kicker: Seems that box of rocks had been returned before. WONK WONK WONK.

Sounds like the basis for a blue movie

OK, picture this: it’s a sleepy Saturday night. You find yourself sitting at home with nothing to do, having watched all the shows on your backlog. It’s soooooo boring. There’s nothing to do! What will you do with your down time? Well, if you’re bored over at the Ebara Branch of the Tokyo Fire Department, you break into a girl’s apartment and steal her underwear. Or at least, attempt to.

The vice captain of the Ebara Branch of the Tokyo Fire Department was held by police after entering a woman’s Suginami Ward apartment (doesn’t anyone lock their doors anymore?) around 4 a.m. and taking two pairs of her underwear. The woman awoke hearing the noise and was able to accost the fireman until the police showed (oh yeah, a real tough guy). The fireman informed the police that he had unintentionally wandered into the wrong house, thinking it was a friend’s. This now raises the disturbing question of just what had he intended to do with the underwear of his actual friend.

Of note is that the fireman in question was as apparently described being “intoxicated” as well. Seriously, someone needs to hook up Japan with some Victoria’s Secret already. You people are crazy.