Tag: theft

Hey, we write the ‘How Tos!’

Once again, another “recognized” media outlet is cramping our style. This time, it’s long-time reader/often linking to us CNN.

Look at their site today, and what do you find? “How to keep your kids pain-free.”

This work of outright theft is a numbered list of steps in bold font, followed by a paragraph or three of regular-font details.

Here’s an example from their “own” Web site:

5. Don’t be afraid of opiates

Opiates can help a child in severe pain, and the risks are small, pediatric pain experts say.

The sad part is, not only did they steal one of our features — which also runs on Thursdays — but they did it wrong.

You don’t make your kids pain-free with pinwheels and drugs; you burn all their nerves off at an early age before memories last. Think of it as a follow-up procedure to a circumcision or ear-piercing.

Stealing games is a two star offense

Don't trust him. His smile and the butterflies belie the theft he's going to do.Not one game out there thrives on controversy more than the ones in the Grand Theft Auto series. Known for ridiculous violence involving jet packs, porn stars former porn stars taking a turn at voice acting, pixelated (literally) sex achieved through hacking peripherals and plenty of racial slurs, no one involves controversy more than these games. So what happens when a game that’s based on making perfectly immoral (but fun) decisions is the target of crime in real life?

Irony.

Grand Theft Auto IV, the latest in the series, comes out this week came out today; however, according to Ars Technica, a “surprising amount of copies are not making their way to the individuals that ordered them.” Yes, not even 24 hours before GTA IV hits the streets crime is already on the rise in the form of a few UPS employees helping themselves to your pre-ordered murder simulator of choice. Slow news day? Yes. Hearsay? Oh yes. Ars Technica even says that this is simply “a novel situation” and later tells Kotaku that “In one 24-hour period, three workers were fired, and more interviews were scheduled for today that would likely end in termination.” Isolated incident? Almost totally.

So, what have we learned? Don’t go with UPS. Spend the extra 2 dollars to get it sent via Fed-Ex. There’s usually less incompetency as a whole that way.

Criminal Mastermind of the Week

A Michigan teen either has brass ones, or is incredibly stupid. Given this blog’s history of coverage of the human race, we’re going to say it’s the latter.

The spike in gas prices is hitting everyone hard. It hits some people so hard that they must resort to stealing gas from other cars. After two arson complaints in a week of houses just being built, detectives were on a stakeout in the neighborhood to catch the arsonist.

Then a allegedly kid walked up to the cruiser, unscrewed the gas cap and began siphoning gas out of the car. Obviously, the cop got out and chased after the kid. He was eventually caught and police said he admitted to the arsons.