Ah, the life of a tobacco baron …

Those new graphic cigarette warnings from the FDA are being challenged in court. Five tobacco companies have sued the federal government on a First Amendment basis, claiming that the new warnings infringe on their right to not explain what their products can do to a person’s body.

Sure, they’re a legal product. So’s Listerine, and Listerine helpfully tells you what number to call if you chug an entire bottle (… by accident) right there on the damn bottle.

If only teens loved something more than smoking …

The Southern Nevada Health District has discovered the key to getting teens to stop smoking, picking up where tobacco companies have failed. (Which is surprising because those guys are marketing geniuses!)

The District has employed Vegas-style ads, using sex, booze and possibly Siberian tigers to convince youth that smoking is not sexy and, if you can’t get laid, then there’s always vodka.

Of course, some less successful anti-smoking campaigners have a problem with this. Smoke-Free Gaming chairwoman Stephanie Steinberg believes the ads just create a new problem: sexy, easy teenagers with tasty breath.

Steinberg’s right: unless these ads teach teens and young adults to eat their vegetables, volunteer with the elderly, spend a year abroad, go to church and quit smoking, then they might as well stay out of the discussion.

Ah, the *old* fight about smoking

If there’s one group more discriminated against than tattooed people, it’s smokers.

Smokers are steadily getting up in arms — once they catch their breath — and speaking out against the new federal cigarette tax hike. The increased tax requires tobacco compaines to pay the U.S. government an additional 61.6 cents for every pack sold, effectively raising the price of a carton by $6.16.

Most of the complaints come, of course, from elderly people who have either beaten the odds of contracting — or continue to smoke in spite of — health problems.

They’re responding in typical old-personly-fashion: by boring young reporters to death …

“Larry Jukes said he remembers when he could buy 10 cigarette packs for $2.50.”

… and through guilt …

“‘I think it’s ridiculous. … They’re picking on smokers,’ [83-year-old Gloria] Egger said at the Denver store, where she bought two cartons Tuesday. ‘I think they’re trying to run the tobacco companies out of business.'”

… and by making vague, impotent threats to “them.”

“‘As old as I am, I’m not going to quit smoking, regardless of what they do,'” Egger said.

What will President Obama, a smoker who signed the tax into law, do?