Pa. high school’s new paper currency

Only boys have to sign out toilet paper from the principal of Mahanoy Area High School, once again proving our theory that girls don't poop.
Only boys have to sign out toilet paper from the principal of Mahanoy Area High School, once again proving our scientific theory that girls don’t poop.

Mahanoy Area High School in eastern Pennsylvania has discovered what Joseph Gayetty knew all the way back in 1857: that there is very little difference between money and toilet paper.

After having to continually spend to replenish toilet paper — plus unclog the toilets — due to vandalism, Principal Thomas Smith is now controlling the substance. From now on, before you can make number two, you’ve got to sign out some squares from the school’s number one.

At least one parent, however,  isn’t taking the Great Toilet Paper Requisition of 2013 sitting down: “Parent Karen Yedsena says some students are too embarrassed to go to the office to get toilet paper and are going home sick instead.” This is why the Guys firmly believe that Everyone Poops should be required freshman reading.

[Special thanks for Patrick H. for the link!]

Art imitates life, life imitates Seinfeld

Kids, we’re not quite out of the recession yet. Oh sure, you might argue with me and say that we are. Jobs are up in some areas of the country! We’re spending more and returning less! Unemployment could be worse! Words ending in exclamation marks!

Erroneous.

I only need to give you but one bit of evidence: Coney Island can only give but so much toilet paper to its toilets.

It’s bad enough that a person can only get single-ply toilet paper in public restrooms, but to have to ration what little amount that they can use in a stall? It gives me the heebie-jeebies.

On the plus side, hey ladies, now you’ll learn how to condition your bladders.