Tag: toledo

IHOUWSP

That would be the acronym for “International House of Unmarked White Suspicious Packages.” They’re a branch of IHOP found mostly in the Toledo, Ohio area, but if you look hard enough, you can find a few that aren’t quite in there.

At least, that’s what I can assume based off recent headlines. 7 IHOP restaurants were raided by federal agents. The reason for doing so is unknown (though it’s probably not for the Swedish crepes; lingonberries, ugh!), and when pressed about what was going on by would-be patrons of the home of the most delicious name in the industry, police officers responded with:

…all IHOPs were closed

Which is a most disturbing idea. Oh, sure, the agents were seen leaving with white office-style boxes, which might be important. But if I were in the Toledo area, where would I be getting my pancakes? Especially at the all you can eat price! Like I said, a most disturbing idea.

Wii would like to get robbed

We’re not quite out of this recession stuff yet. As such, we all need some extra money every now and then. A pair of women from Toledo, Ohio thought it would be a good idea to try and sell their Nintendo Wii consoles via Craigslist. Ladies: it is never a good idea to conduct video game business over Craigslist.

For that matter, it’s never a good idea to conduct any business over Craigslist.

In two completely unrelated incidents, one woman was assaulted when a prospective “purchaser” came to her home.

“As I kind of went to close the screen door, he then proceeded to come in,” she said. “He punched me in the face, grabbed the Wii off the end of the table and was gone before I even knew it.”

The other lady’s transaction went by without a hitch. Or so she thought. After the buyer had left with the console, however, the lady noticed they’d paid in counterfeit bills. Double burn!

The Catholic Church locked in battle with zombies

Anyone who has ever been to Toledo, Spain knows that the city is littered with zombies, or as the locals call them “el zombieos.”

But after all this time, only now has the Catholic Church caught up on this danger to humanity. A parade featuring zombies, ghosts and other scary creatures has been deemed a blaspheme. The world media would have you believe that it was just some local actors parading down the street to mock the local celebration of Corpus Christi, a Catholic holiday, but we know better.

Sure, Reuters. Sure, it was just some actors dressed up and bent on offending the Church. That makes far more sense than the fact that it was a bold statement of power on the zombies’ part and only the pulpit sees fit to fight it, as it has so many other evils. Open your eyes!