Tag: Tom Brady

You Missed It: There goes your fantasy team edition

It seems like a lot of Fridays are all about people running away. Mostly, it’s because people are running away to go enjoy the weekend. They don’t care about you or your stupid economy. But we’re always here for you, except when were on vacation. If you were too busy answering questions for Charles Gibson this week, odds are you missed it.

Guess it’s back to knocking up models until next September
On Sunday, in quarter 1 of week 1 of the NFL season, legendary New England quarterback Tom Brady injured his knee against the Kansas City Chiefs. Yes, the NFL lost its reigning MVP only a few minutes after his season had started. Wait a minute, this wasn’t supposed to happen! Brady wasn’t on the cover of Madden NFL 09.

The illest of all the dictators
We said it a week ago: if you talk smack about a world leader on your blog, they will read it and take it to heart. Less than a week after we said Kim Jong Il “sucks,” the dictator of the People’s Glorious Worker’s Paradise in the Republic of the Magnificent North Korea was noticeably absent from the country’s 60th anniversary celebration. This is kind of like not showing up to your own party. It has been reported that Kim may have had brain surgery after a recent stroke which was brought on by a deadly capitalist blood clot.

No ‘hike’ until after Ike
Hurricane Ike, currently a Category 2 storm, is on its (his?) way to Texas, after pummeling the Caribbean earlier this week. Galveston, Texas and parts of Houston have been evacuated, as Ike is expected to strengthen before making landfall tonight. The NFL has even postponed the Baltimore Ravens-Houston Texans game until Monday. This means that Ike is easily the worst storm named after a president since–wait, no. This one’s just not working for me. Moving right along ….

Kanye West doesn’t like photographers
And finally, rapper Kanye West made headlines this week, not for his music or his mouth. No, this time actions spoke louder than words. West had landed at LAX airport in Los Angeles only a few minutes before, and the paparazzi was there to greet him. Unfortunately, West did not appear to like it. A video appears to show him attacking two photographers, ripping their cameras out of their hands and smashing them. West was arrested on suspicion of vandalism. West’s spokesman said the flash went through the rapper’s lensless sunglasses, which aggrivated him very much.

How To: Recover from a sports injury

The Guys would like to dedicate this How To to our good friend Tom Brady, who was injured not yet a week ago. Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Tom. You’re a god amongst men. If you follow our advice, we will see you on the road to the Super Bowl next season.

Injuries are pretty common in your sport. Take Jimmy, your good buddy. He messed his shoulder up on that dive the other day. Who knew you even needed to dive in golf, anyway? Regardless of what sport you play, something is going to go horribly, horribly wrong. When that happens, it’s up to you to make sure you don’t end up horribly disfigured (or at least more than you are already). That’s why we are here to tell you how to recover from a sports injury. Continue reading How To: Recover from a sports injury

Eat My Sports: It’s a whole new ballgame

SeriouslyGuys would like to congratulate Rhiannon and Richard Justis who welcomed their first child, Ace Gerard, into this gigantic marble around 10 am this morning. Please raise the child to continue The War on Animals.

Well, this week was supposed to be my big NFL preview. I was going to give you my picks, picks so insanely researched that you can bet on them and run Vegas for everything they’ve got like Kevin Spacey in 21, except sans the horribly anorexic kids having the ever-loving crap beat out of them by by Lawrence “Valley of the Real” Fishburne. But then in one instant on a seemingly normal day in New England, everything in the NFL changed. Tom Brady … gulp (swallows pride) … probably the single most indispensable player on any team, was lost for the season not even a quarter into the first game. Continue reading Eat My Sports: It’s a whole new ballgame

Eat My Sports: Wherever I may Romo

Forget college basketball. Forget Roger “I didn’t take no freaking steroids” Clemens, forget the NBA, forget it all. This week we’re tackling romance, but not in that kind of awkward “son, we need to talk” type of way, no, I’m sick of celebrity sports dating. This needs to end.

Honestly, since when has a sports icon’s career been defined by People Magazine or Tiger Beat (is that still around?) covers as opposed to their on field performance. Important figures like completion percentage and assist-to-turnover ratio are being replaced by daily taglines of “what they did on their magical week in Mexico.”

The madness needs to stop. The sports world needs to keep from becoming a mock version of E! Continue reading Eat My Sports: Wherever I may Romo

The McBournie Minute: I love the Patriots

This week, in honor of Valentine’s Day, we’re writing our features about love. Also, you will be treated to daily editions of MasterChugs Theater with “Love in the Theater.”

“Heroes never last long because, although they may inspire us to become more, they remind us of our own shortcomings. We appreciate them at first, but then we look at our own lives and wonder, ‘Why not me?’ At first, ‘why not me’ means, ‘I could do that, too.’ But after a while … ‘why not me’ turns into ‘I’m not that great, and neither is that person.'” —Rick Snee

I love the New England Patriots. I guess it’s because of Bryan Schools’ column last Tuesday, or that I’m still not over the game, but I am sick of everybody bashing the Patriots. This is the last time I will talk about it. I retract my statement last week, I will not argue that they deserved to win Super Bowl XLII. The Pats looked flat from the very beginning, especially before the game. For some reason, no one was bouncing around or talking a big game. They simply moped out to the field like it was just another practice. IT WAS THE EFFING SUPER BOWL!

No, the Patriots did not deserve to win. But neither did the New York Giants.

Continue reading The McBournie Minute: I love the Patriots