Tag: Tom Cruise

Highway to the Most Dangerous Zone

We’ve recently seen a lot of sad current sequels to movies set and/or filmed in the (late 1970s to) 1980s: Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Die Hard, Rocky, Rambo, Wall Street and some others that probably went straight to video. There’s one more in the works: Top Gun 2.

In the spirit of belated sequels living free or dying hard and possessing money incapable of sleeping, we’re proposing a few of our own subtitles for it:

  • Top Gun 2: Playing with More Boys
  • Top Gun: Kandahar Nights
  • Top Gun 2: Revenge of the Goose
  • Topmost Gun: Top is the New Bottom [Bruck: possible marketing tie-in with Dominos?]

Vote for your favorite or recommend your own in the comments. SeriouslyGuys will make sure these get into Tom Cruise’s holy space hands.

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Born On the Fourth of July’

Hey kids and kittens. Chug is absolutely booked solid with work this week. As such he’s running a MasterChugs flashback to tie in with this coming weekend’s events. Enjoy.

Oliver Stone’s Born on the Fourth of July is not an adaptation of the memoir by Vietnam veteran Ron Kovic, though that’s what the credits indicate. It’s most certainly based on it, but it’s not necessarily an adaptation of the memoir. It’s an indulgent style showcase for Stone, who, with his longtime cinematographer Robert Richardson, employs every act of film trickery imaginable that doesn’t involve CGI effects. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Born On the Fourth of July’

MasterChugs Theater: ‘Born on the Fourth of July’

Oliver Stone’s Born on the Fourth of July is not an adaptation of the memoir by Vietnam veteran Ron Kovic, though that’s what the credits indicate. It’s most certainly based on it, but it’s not necessarily an adaptation of the memoir. It’s an indulgent style showcase for Stone, who, with his longtime cinematographer Robert Richardson, employs every act of film trickery imaginable that doesn’t involve CGI effects. Continue reading MasterChugs Theater: ‘Born on the Fourth of July’

You Missed It: The other white meat edition

Happy May Day, comrade! May is finally here, which means more flowers that give off pollen–ugh. But seriously, if you are celebrating May Day today, the Department of Homeland Security would like to have a word with you. Me? I’m celebrating Bealtaine, the beginning of the Celtic summer. If you were too busy celebrating 100 days at your new job, odds are you missed it.

You’re telling me I can no longer express my love for pigs?
You probably have not heard yet, but there’s an outbreak of swine flu, and apparently people are really upset about it. Right now, over 300 people have it and are at home having chicken noodle soup, assuming there’s no avian flu in it. The illness came from Mexico and is steadily making its way here in the U.S.–as if we didn’t regret coming back from spring break with an itch already.

She’s got the need, the need for a same-sex relationship
Remember Kelly McGillis? She was that super-hot flight instructor that buzzed Tom Cruise’s flight tower in Top Gun? Yeah, turns out she likes the ladies now. Guess someone did not take her to bed, and as such, lost her forever. In a related note, this would have been so much cooler if it had happened 20 years ago.

So long, and thanks for all the opinions
Supreme Court Justice David Souter announced that he is going to step down soon, setting up the debate of who will replace him on the bench. Souter, a Bush Sr. appointee, has been known for his dry wit, his quiet demeanor and …. Sorry, dozed off there for a second. Souter may be the first American to quit his job in months. Ladies and gentlemen, the recession is over.

Take it from Snee: Shut up, actors

Look, actors, you can't ALL be Arnold.You know what irks me?  Having to apologize to myself whenever I watch a movie starring Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Leonardo DiCaprio, Edward Norton, John and Joan Cusack, Martin Sheen, Darryl Hannah, Edward James Olmos, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, George Clooney, Christopher Reeves or any other politically-involved actor.

The same internal dialogue happens during the opening credits:

“OK, Rick.  You’re just watching their movie.  You’re not really paying them, more like paying their producers who only want you to see explosions and sequels. 

“Just pretend you didn’t accidentally read how they’re really into environmentalism, peace or walking again.  (Thank god the ‘Superman’s Grounded’ hoopla is over and done with!)  All you wanted to do was find out they were voted ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ again or made a sex tape to Google later. 

“It’s not your fault they told you things you didn’t want to hear.  You can just watch this movie where they read lines like the meat robots they actually are.” Continue reading Take it from Snee: Shut up, actors